Paper Trail

I stayed at a hotel last night.

I left my room to check out quite early. As I walked through the halls, I could see the various newspapers that the guests had requested, in bags hanging over the doorknobs.

I thought it was interesting. Their choice of paper allowed me to make some assumptions about the people inside. The guests had almost literally nailed their political colours to the wall.

I wonder if they considered what other guests might think of their choice. They must have realised that they were making a statement about themselves. I don't see a single Sun or Mirror. I didn't see a Daily Sport. People want others to think they're interesting and well-read.

I would have requested a Beano if I'd thought about it.

If you request a Guardian to be hung over your doorknob, you are essentially announcing to the hotel that you are a heretical atheist who hates the Queen and doesn't eat gluten.

If you request a Daily Mail, you're announcing that you masturbate over the thought of an immigrant in a car crash.

If you request the Independent, you're announcing that you don't really have anything to announce thank you very much, and could you please keep the noise down?

Of course your newspaper choice is only seen by people waking up before you do.

If you're right-wing, you can hoist your swastika-flag high, knowing that all the wishy-washy liberals are still in bed after a late night of pot smoking and knife crime.

If you're left-wing, you (wrongly) assume that people won't judge you.

And if you're a fan of the Beano, you want everyone to know. Because it's the fucking Beano.

I was up too early, I think.

If I ran a hotel, I'd daub a big red cross on the doors as a plague-indicator, and see if anyone noticed.