Fact Up

I'm suddenly hugely upbeat!

I put it down to:

1) a big mug of coffee
2) two thirds of a carton of Ruby Breakfast
3) an apple
4) a day off tomorrow
5) the glorious wonder of existence
6) the pills I found on the toilet floor (I thought they were funky aspirin)

Maybe I should take advantage of this, and write some kind of opera about Marlon King.

Probably won't work written down (or spoken out-loud, or thought of in a human brain). Maybe I should just offer some interesting facts.

Interesting Fact:

"Tom Hanks" is rhyming slang for "tanks".

It is common to hear soldiers, in the midst of battle, shouting: "We need the Tom Hanks in here now!" Some soldiers also watch DVDs of the 1988 film Punchline.

In fact, most army rhyming slang comes from this film, eg Sally Field = yield. ["Shoot at us all you want! We shall not Sally Field!"]

Interesting Fact:

There's so much salt in the Pacific Ocean, that if it were ever to be removed, Gaia would weep.

Interesting Fact:

The first actor to portray James Bond was actually Bob Hoskins. They filmed half of the first Bond film (Diamonds Are Forever) with him in the 007 role, but these scenes were later re-shot due to an unacceptable level of askew glances at test screenings.

Interesting Fact:

'Bread' is an anagram of 'Breads'.

Interesting Fact:

The word 'placard' was removed from the Oxford English Dictionary in the early 1980s at the request of Michael Heseltine. However, it was secretly smuggled back in to the OED in 1994, disguised as the word 'frond'.

Interesting Fact:

Though commonly believed to be the blue whale, the fastest land mammal is actually The SprintBot 500.

***

I think that's enough. I'd just like to say that I'm unhappy with my use of the following comedy clichés: Bob Hoskins, Michael Heseltine, use of specific dates, and dull rhymes. I also thought Gaia was spelled Gaea (which I prefer), but that might just be the Japanese women's wrestling company.

I'm not going to change any of those things. I don't compromise. That's not strictly true - I do compromise, but only in making things equally unsatisfactory for everyone.