Hafnium Aspirations

The weekend at the end of a week's holiday becomes one giant Sunday. I feel like I want to hang on to my free time for as long as possible. The best way to do it is to do very little. Time passes more slowly when it's devoid of activity. If a watched pot never boils, I can just make sure I watch it continually - that way Monday will never come.

It would be a waste of electricity to keep boiling water. Although I'm not sure how energy consumption works if time stands still. Do I still get charged for units used? Do I still have to pay rent for the extra time? Or is everything frozen and free?

Time is a tricky beast. It's really the one area of existence that human knowledge can't control. The progress of science allows us to gain a greater understanding of genetics and physics. We can devise experiments that test these things, we can alter the fabric of objects and living creatures. But we are totally impotent when it comes to time.

The only way to impact upon time is to create art. Because time flies when you're having fun.

Being entertained is the temporal equivalent of scientific research. So, in many ways, listening to Ben Kweller and playing Minesweeper is as important as looking for a cancer cure.

I'm a pioneer. But where's my Nobel Prize? The Nobel Prize for Fun?

In truth, I probably wouldn't be a contender. There are loads of people who have more fun than me. Mostly bubbly blonde girls, who communicate in ultrasonic screams. They're always drinking and laughing and dancing.

That's too much fun, if you ask me.

It's the fun equivalent of candy-floss - it hurts my teeth.

I do like fun, but not too much. Too much fun begins to grate. I don't want to live in a perpetual club night. It's more pleasant to be in the dark sometimes.

Also, Mark E Smith could never be described as 'fun'.

I'm cursed in that regard, because my surname is 'Fung'. You can't spell Fung without Fun. I've tried, believe me.

"Hey I bet he's a Fung guy!" they say, sometimes, in dreams.

You can't spell my name without 'un' either, which has given me an innate sense of self-contradiction.

And you can't spell my name without 'ng'. Which is the chemical symbol for Norwegium. Not even a real element - a Scandinavian scam. A ScanScam.

But I'm probably over-analysing it. What's in a name, after all? A Fung by any other name would smell as sweet (ie not that sweet).

Well, this blog entry has been very interesting. Just writing it has made my remaining time seem all the more interminable.

Also, I now have a freshly boiled pot of water for doing some potatoes.