Grey? Gay? A-OK.

I can't believe I have so many grey hairs. It's not right. My hair is pretty long at the moment, and I can see them everywhere.

I'm only 26. Admittedly, that does seem old, but not grey hair old.

I don't think my dad went grey until he was pretty old. Unless he dyed his hair - an act so out-of character for him that it would shake the very foundations of my world.

But I've got grey hairs all over the show.

Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be greying than balding. I don't think I could carry the balding look off. I'd start to look like Donald Pleasance. That's not a good look. Maybe if I grew my beard and shaved my hair, I could pull off the Jeff-Bridges-in-Iron-Man/Jesse Ventura look. That might work. But all in all, I can live with grey.

I'd prefer grey temples, like Reed Richards from the Fantastic Four. That's a distinguished look. But at the moment, it's popping up all over. I won't mind if it stays at its current levels. The odd gray hair looks slightly mystical - like strands of memory in the Harry Potter universe. I could try and find a Pensieve, and put them in there. That would be quite funny. All my memories would be exactly the same - just sitting there watching repeats of The Wire, drinking tea and eating Cadbury's Dairy Milk with Crunchie pieces.

If Harry Potter had to enter those memories, he'd get bored quite quickly. Unless he liked The Wire. And he wouldn't - it would be too complicated for him, the simpleton.

Do you think there's a black market in the wizarding world, where people go to the cinema, and then sell the memories? You could go down to a Knocturn Alley and buy some dude's memories of going to see Transformers. You'd probably also get the memories of the person buying popcorn and going to the toilet, but it would be cheap.

There would also be a huge market for saucy memories or "Pensieve Porn". Dumbledore had a huge collection, apparently.

The more Harry Potter knowledge I reveal, the lesser my credibility, so I should probably stop there.

If I go completely grey, at least it will be easy to dye. I could try a new colour each week. I'd quite like to use Just for Men. I'm a man, so it would be allowed.

I wonder what made them come up with that name for their product. Just For Men!

I can understand targeting a specific demographic, but to be so adamant about it that you include it in the product name?

Maybe it was orginally called something less committal, like Man Dye. They probably kept hearing stories of women using the product ("Ooh, this shade of brown is perfect! I can't find it in any woman's range. I'll give it a try!").

And the Chief Executive said "No! This is unacceptable!"

"Um, why?"

"Women! Using our products! It's not for them!! It's for men!"

"But what difference does it..."

"Whores! Using our products! We need to make it clear that this is a man's product."

"But it's already called Man Dye. What could we...?"

"It's not for them!! It's for men! Just for men! Hey, waitaminute... Just. For. Men."

"Have you taken your medication today, sir?"

That's probably how it went.

Apparently they put a special acid in the dye, that is activated if a woman uses it, and it makes their hair fall out. They're not messing about.

I suppose they're appealing to the kind of man who thinks that if a product isn't completely and explicitly only available to men, it makes you gay.

And they're right.

I once ate a box of Ladyfinger biscuits, and by the end of the day I was on my third rent-boy.

In conclusion, the world of grey hair will be an exciting adventure. Unless I live in an arbitrary Logan's Run-style world where you're killed as soon as you're grey.

And if that policy was in place, I'd probably, y'know, move or something.