Visionary

Sometimes I come up with brilliant ideas in my sleep. Sometimes I invent new businesses and products. Sometimes I conceive of ways to make the world a better place.

Last night, I combined all three in what is perhaps my greatest creation:

Edible Wax Fruit ©

That's right.

Are you tired of reaching for a refreshing apple, only to be told that the fruit is purely ornamental? It happens all the time. Everyone has a bowl of wax fruit in the house, to create an image of freshness and abundance all year round.

But isn't it frustrating that you can't eat it?

Well, now you can!

Edible Wax Fruit © looks as good as ordinary wax fruit, but is made of a tasty, waxy glucose jelly that goes down a treat. Finally, we are able to have our fruit and eat it!

Soon every household will stock up on Edible Wax Fruit ©. There might even be government guidelines on how many portions of wax fruit you should eat a day (a maximum of one - it's incredibly bad for you).

So now, you can have attractive-looking fruit that will create the impression of wholesomeness in your family home (even if it's surrounded by animal excrement and used syringes)!*

So remember: if it's edible, it's wax and it's fruit, it must be:

Edible Wax Fruit ©

* Because of the ingredients, Edible Wax Fruit © does actually go-off quite quickly. You'll probably want to replace it every few days, or it will get all rotten and brown. Also, it's roughly eighteen times more expensive than actual fruit.

***

Coming soon:

Living Stuffed Animals ©

Full-Fat Low-Fat Yoghurt ©

and

Invisible Sliding Doors Made Without Glass, So If You Walk Through Them You Won't Smash Them And Get All Cut Up And Bleed To Death ©