And the story of the moral is...

I bet Aesop was annoying.

"What's up?" asked Aesop.

"I'm thinking of making a fence," said Hank.

"Really? Well - I mean you can do it - but, remember the fable of the fencemaker and the... dog."

"The fencemaker and the dog."

"Yeah! One day a fencemaker was--"

"Making a fence?"

"One day a fencemaker was making a fence, and there was this, y'know, dog. And every time he hammered in a fencepost, the dog would urinate on it."

"Right."

"So the fencemaker put... uh... bees, around each fencepost, so the dog wouldn't, y'know, piss on them."

"The bees, or the posts?"

"Whatever. Anyway, he did that, and the dog didn't urinate on them. But, with nowhere else to do it, the dog peed on the fencemaker's leg."

"Ok."

"So, y'know. Think about it."


"Think about what?"

"The dog! And the, y'know: peacemaker."

"Fencemaker."

"Oh yeah, fencemaker. Learn the lesson contained therein."

"And what lesson would that be?"

"Don't... use... bees. As part of a carpentry project. Or you'll... get all... *cough*... wet."

"What does that mean?"

"It's an allegory. With... bees."

"You just made that up, didn't you? There's no fable about the fencemaker and the dog, is there?"

"Uh... remember the Fox and the Grapes?"

"For fuck's sake, Aesop. Why is everything all fox and grapes with you?"

"What about the bees--?"

"FORGET THE BEES! Why can't you just stop telling bloody fables and have a proper conversation for once?"

"Like the North Wind and the... y'know, fox?"

"Aesop!"

"-- the wolf!"

"I'm leaving."

"No, don't go! What about the dog and the... bees?

*DOOR SLAMS*

Don't leave me! I'm so lonely!"


Poor Aesop. The boy who cried "check out my fables".

***

I looked Aesop up on Wikipedia, and he seems like an interesting fellow. No-one really knows who he was, or when he lived, or what he wrote. This bit is the best:

According to the historian Herodotus, Aesop met with a violent death at the hands of the inhabitants of Delphi, though the cause was not stated. Various suggestions were made by later writers, such as his insulting sarcasms, the embezzlement of money entrusted to him by Croesus for distribution at Delphi, and his alleged sacrilege of a silver cup. A pestilence that ensued was blamed on his execution, and the Delphians declared their willingness to make compensation, which, in default of a nearer connection, was claimed by Iadmon (Ιάδμων), grandson of Aesop's former master.

Those are an interesting array of possible motives for his death. 'Insulting sarcasms' is a good one. They must have been really insulting. I can imagine Aesop sitting around like Johnny Rotten being interviewed by Bill Grundy.

Grundy: "So Aesop, I bet you think being sarcastic is really clever, don't you?"
Aesop (smiling): "No."

Embezzlement is a bit less noble.

'Alleged sacrilege of a silver cup' is the most interesting. How can you be sacrilegious to a silver cup? I'm going to assume urination was involved (perhaps the origin of the Fencemaker and the Dog fable).

Finally, if I was Iadmon, and someone came knocking on my door wanting to give me loads of stuff to compensate for the execution of my granddad's protege in an attempt to ward off pestilence... I'd be quite pleased.

Although if he had to explain to the tax man where the money came from, no-one would believe him.

I might find out more about Aesop. I can become an expert in his life and works.

Or I might just sort of forget about him.

Like the Basket-weaver and the... dog.