The title of my below entry (The New ELB) is of course referring to this great man. I've realised that it's quite an obscure reference. Still, if you worked it out, you get many props, a bag full of kudos, and my deepest sympathies.
***
Sometimes, in my more vain, more bored moments, I like to Google-search my name.
'Paul Fung' seems to be pretty common, so I need to be more creative. I like to search for things that I'm sure only I have written about.
As The Fire has pointed out, I'm currently the number one result for the word 'awffly', due to my waffle treatise below.
My favourite is the search for 'Paul Fung Bill Cosby'. The Google summary of the entry reads:
And at the end, even if I've accomplished nothing else, my gravestone will read: . Here lies Paul Fung. He french-kissed the corpse of Bill Cosby ...
Admittedly, few people are likely to search 'Paul Fung Bill Cosby'. But if they do, they'll get a nice surprise.
I think I need to get a higher profile to make these searches more fun. What I really need to do is appear in a major news story. I could crash a Zeppelin into Fiona Bruce.
I could crash a Zeppelin into Fiona Bruce...
I probably shouldn't crash a Zeppelin into Fiona Bruce.
I probably shouldn't crash a Zeppelin into Fiona Bruce...
***
I used to do more of these entries - all split into little sections. I wonder why I stopped. Perhaps I felt that these little vignettes were shallow and repetitive, and were generally a waste of time.
I can understand that.
***
I'm working on a Muppet Babies-style cartoon about the adventures of historical figures as infants.
I think it will be called Leader Babies, and will feature toddler versions of Hitler, Churchill, Stalin, De Gaulle, Franklin Roosevelt and, inexplicably, Gonzo.
They can get into scrapes. L'il Churchill can have a toy cigar. Li'l Hitler can always be cranky (and he hates Gonzo - you know why). Each week they can learn an important lesson about sharing and friendship and moral flexibility.
I can't decide who will fill the role of 'Nanny'. Perhaps God.
Each week we can end on some real footage of the Holocaust or the Blitz, to add a Blackadder-style cheap and fraudulent veneer or genuine emotion.
Yeah, that's right. I hate the end of Blackadder Goes Forth! With the phoney effects and the stupid music, trying to be profound, when in reality it's a slap in the face of all those who fought and died in the trenches. Manipulative and petty and pretentious.
Actually, I'm only joking. I was just seeing if I could argue against something that everyone loves. That ending is actually really good and moving. It's just that internet rules dictate that you argue against the majority opinion, even if the majority opinion is almost certainly correct.
"The Beatles are overrated!" they say.
"Actually, I always thought Godfather Part III was the best in the trilogy," they wail.
"Capitalism leads to inequality and exploitation," they cry, the pinko Commie bastards.
Wait a minute. I've forgotten what I was meant to be arguing. I got tied up in my own leash of irony, like a dog running round a lamp-post.
Anyway, all that matters is that the sad, mournful Blackadder music will be played on the piano by Rowlf, wearing a diaper.
***
I wasn't sure how to spell 'veneer', so I put it into Wikipedia. According to them:
A veneer is a cat covering over another surface.
I think that might be a typo. If I ever get a cat, I'm going to call it Veneer.
And I'm going to dress it as Stalin.
That's part of another project I'm working on.
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