Mr Happy

I don't dislike many people. I don't think I actively hate anyone.

Although I'm sure this blog sometimes sounds depressing and cynical and angry, I'm not really like that. It's just that anger is an easier thing to write about than fondness. If I wrote about things I loved, it would get nauseating at best. But you should know that there is an undercurrent of optimism and love of the world that lies beneath every rant and critique.

I have a great affection for the human race. I'm like an strict and distant father. I care about my children, but never show any affection to them. This means they grow up bitter and disillusioned. I try to great them with an awkward hug, but they go for a handshake. I'm not saying I am God, but... I am, in many ways... God.

As long as people are generally polite and not actively hostile, I'll probably quite like them. I don't expect much - just general pleasantness. And the majority of people that I've met have been generally pleasant.

Of course, this is the bare minimum. If you want me to like you a lot, you might consider adopting some of the following characteristics.

I like people who:

• have lots of stuff in their pockets
• are willing to take part in ridiculous conversations
• don't have a rigid set of beliefs
• beat-box
• feel sympathetic (but not condescending) to the less fortunate
• like animals
• break awkward silences
• empathise with the stupid stuff you do
• use outdated slang
• have a tattoo of a small nation's flag on their back (the nation should be small, not the flag)
• watch DVD commentaries
• are self-deprecating
• dance for no apparent reason
• dislike the Pope
• give names to their body-parts
• try disgusting foods just for the hell of it
• swear artfully
• question reality
• enter a competition, and are happy with an eight-place finish
• laugh until they cry
• cry until they laugh
• cook scones
• give me money

There. That's a few. If you don't fulfil any of these, it doesn't mean I wouldn't like you. There are many other characteristics that appeal to me. Also, I omitted some of the more shallow ones (big breasts, flying motorbike, extensive crayon collection), for fear of seeming one-dimensional.
So, in conclusion, people are generally great and I like that we can do loads of stuff. I think that's one of the reasons I couldn't be a communist. I value variety too much. Also, I'm really lazy and defining myself as a 'worker' would seem disingenuous.