Hello

This morning on the bus, I was reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (aren't I special?) and there was a long description of what Hell is like.

Being on the lower deck of a bus carrying loads of school children, I thought Hell was just 'upstairs'. The bottom deck is just purgatory; teaching me a lesson for not having a car.

Anyway, the long explanation of the minutiae of the fire and brimstone was making me a little bit angry. Very angry, in fact.

When I first questioned religion, there was doubt and confusion, then I began to feel more strongly opposed to the idea of God and the Bible. At first, atheism is a pretty good stage to reach. You feel pleased to be free from falsehood, like taking off a heavy, ugly hat. But this smug satisfaction is soon replaced by anger: anger that the human race has wasted SO MUCH TIME on this bullshit. Think of what we might have accomplished it, instead of focussing on crazy mythology as fact, we'd been intellectually unencumbered and open minded.

Of course, this idea of a free, inquisitive world is not only hypothetical, it's most likely false. I'm sure our ideas would have been replaced by some other bias or superstition. In fact religion and faith are responsible for some incredible works of art, architecture and literature. So maybe I'm talking nonsense.

But reading about the stories told to people to control them still makes me angry. I hate the idea of people being driven by fear and subservience. Not wanting to go to Hell seems like a pretty shit reason to be good.

Anyway, the ideas I was reading were explicitly Catholic and old-fashioned (if that's not a tautology). Principles of New Testament forgiveness and charity are pretty good, I guess. I just wish they weren't wrapped up in all this ridiculous stuff about demons and dark fire and writhing.

To be fair, given that I hate commuting, I could have been reading anything at the time, and still would have been angry.

"Thomas the Tank Engine puffed into the station? Fuck Thomas!"

***

Following on from my confusion about whether to spell neck with a k (kneck), I went on to discuss the other words that begin 'kn'. It was a slow work day. Know, knot, knit, knife, knickers, knuckles, knoll, knave, knackered, etc.

I then thought of Evel Knievel.

I hope, perhaps even more than the whole John Nettles thing, I hope, I hope, I hope, that someone, somewhere has pronounced his name 'Evel Nievel'.

The 'K' adds an element of danger that isn't really there for 'Evel Nievel'. Without it, he sounds like a cartoon rodent or something. Kids all over the world would be put off following his death-defying antics if he was Evel Nievel.

Perhaps more uncool-named people should add a 'k' to improve their reputation. Phil Kollins, for example. Or Kliff Richard.

And I'd certainly tune in at 5:35 every weekday, if I could see the cool, cutting edge Aussie soap Kneighbours.

And I expect you would too.