A boring work-day means it's time for a rare Tuesday double-shot!
I am tormented by guilt about something. Well, not tormented. Concerned. Okay, I'm not concerned either, but I think about it sometimes.
The shameful fact is this: I sometimes illegally download music. For free.
This may sound like sarcasm, but it's not! It really does bother me. For a long time I resisted the urge. I paid good, honest money at the shops. If I couldn't afford a CD, I didn't buy it.
But about six months ago, with my funds at an all-time low (student life, no job), I caved in and downloaded an album from a torrent site. I can't remember what the album is, which makes it worse.
My justification was that I had no means to pay for it, so I couldn't give them my money anyway. They didn't lose anything, and I gained something. Everyone's a winner. But, like an addiction, I kept doing it. Not too much, but still enough to wrangle my morals (I don't think that is an accepted expression, but it will be).
Firstly, I should say I don't believe that stealing music online is the same thing as stealing a car or a boat or anything. You're not taking from a finite number of physical objects. But I still don't like it.
I think my major problem is that people who illegally download loads of music usually aren't proper music fans. It certainly seems like that. In buying a physical CD you create a bond with that purchase. There's something about your mindset that has caused you to invest something in this object. You can look back over your purchases and it will tell you something about yourself.
If you just download reams of music for free, there's no bond. You probably don't even get a chance to listen to it all. You have nothing invested in it; it's just a bunch of stuff you listen to. Having a hard drive full of music that you might have downloaded on a whim, or because the band had a funny name, doesn't make you an eclectic listener, it just makes you an audio-boatman, floating on the surface of your tunes, never going beneath the surface. it is an insult to people who have purchased a good collection and earned their library.
I am also bothered by music not coming in a physical form. I know the iPod age has made this an old fashioned notion (and I do download tracks from iTunes), but I like the packaging, the inlay notes, the lyrics. I like the way the product looks on my shelf. I like the fact that all over the world people have the same object. I like that I can be looking at the art of Safe as Milk, just as someone may have been doing forty years ago.
But, I have fallen into the trap of the illicit download.
Like a junkie in need of another fix, I always find new justifications for my deeds:
"I can download Rolling Stones albums! They're unbelievably rich!"
"Fugazi are left-wing; they hate capitalism!"
"I can download Sign O' The Times; Prince is a cunt!"
But I still feel dirty inside. I try and promise myself, I'll pay for the albums on CD when I'm rich. But even if I do make money, I'll be morally bankrupt.
I don't download any songs from small/niche bands though, they might need the money. I have some standards.
(Keep telling yourself that, pal.)
I will kick the habit. I'll stop downloading. But I can't go cold turkey!
Just one more Led Zeppelin...
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