Outside Risk

I wanted some salad bar salad for lunch, so I went to the salad bar. There was a little sign next to one of the dishes. They have these signs from time to time, usually to say if a dish contains meat - a warning to fleshphobes.

So, having some time to kill, I decided to read the sign. I was curious. And curiosity is known to hold no risk for any mammal. This is what it said:

This beans sprouts are 

English

I was confused.

Obviously, there are a couple of typos in there. I don't mean to criticise the sign on those grounds. It's certainly possible that it was written by someone for whom English is not their first language. It's reasonable to make such a mistake.

I imagine if I had to write a salad bar sign in Taiwanese, notifying the locals of the nationality of their food, I would make many more blunders. I wouldn't even be close.

But the typos do make the sign's assurances of domestic trustworthiness a bit suspicious.

Like a Russian spy trying to convince you of his Englishness by claiming to eat jellied owls and Cornland paystees.

I was befuddled when I saw that sign. Befuddled indeed.

Because, even if we accept the sign, it still raises questions. Why is it important the bean sprouts are English? Why, out of all the ingredients in all the dishes, is this one important?

Maybe it's part of an ongoing initiative to identify specific foods. You couldn't do them all at once, but if you chipped away at it over a period of time, soon everything would be clear.

Perhaps tomorrow it will be:

This potatoe is Brummie

Moving on to:

Orange juice not foreignge juice

And then perhaps:

Beef like St George is

I took a photo of the sign. 

The photo looks a lot like the photo above (the one of the sign). I thought: "This insanity needs to be discussed! The world has gone cuckoo! What a world!"

Then I thought "what a world" again, but a bit more quietly.

But just as I was getting ready to pat myself on the back for being so great (also, my back was on fire - BONUS), I remembered that people were dying.

People are dying.

There's an E coli outbreak in Europe which has been traced to German beansprouts. 

The sign was completely justified. I felt quite the mug.

[I'm writing E coli in italics because that's what they've done on the Guardian. I am a format sheep.]

Luckily, I realised before being corrected by a grieving German.

It is a bit odd that they needed the sign, I suppose. I'd like to think they wouldn't serve poisoned food. I generally make that assumption. As far as I'm concerned, 'not-poisoned' is the default state of salad. At least in this neck of the woods.

A sign would only be needed if they were German bean sprouts. Just so people could make their own choices. I know I'd be willing to risk serious illness if it meant I had some delicious bean sprouts. Mmm!

I had the bean sprouts in the end. And I think the sign provided me with some subconscious comfort. 

I feel absolutely fine.

No problems here.

Imagine the cruel irony!

If I was to be infected!

After saying all this!

Imagine it!

***

I like writing things like that. Fate won't know what to do!