Ignoredom

FIGHT THE BOREDOM!

Don't let it get you down. You are its master/mistress/Ms, so take it by the scruff of its neck (boredoms have big scruffs), shake it violently and say "I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU RUN MY LIFE"!

There's a whole world of interesting things out there. From the lowliest eagle to the most magnificent camcorder. There's no time to be bored. You'll be dead soon!

So turn that frown 180° upwards or downwards (same result!) and leap into the future. Boredom is only a seven letter word. Unless you spell it with an extra 'r'.

THERE'S ONLY ONE 'R'!

Why not write a dialogue between a PE teacher and a sentient fox fur?

FOX FUR: I am but a shell of a being. As a noble woodland creature, I gambolled around the fens and follies, nursing my cubs, trotting at peace amongst bracken and hedge, pond and electric substation. 

But I was killed for sport. 

My being was stripped away from me, along with my dignity, so that a wealthy woman with no taste for the modern compassion fashion can string me around her fat neck and sweat on me at a dinner party.

P.E. TEACHER: I am a P.E. teacher.

FOX FUR: Oh God. I'm so sorry.

Why not do that? You could do that.

That's what I did.

Why?

Because boredom is not invited into MY party. And, yes, this is a party. Look at the punchbowl. Filled with water.

Water is a type of punch.

All oxygeny and hydrogeny.

DELICIOUS.

YOU CAN DRINK IT WHILST NOT BEING BORED.

Why not write a list of the ten greatest evils in the world?

THAT'S WHAT I'DLL DO.

1) Evil

2) Spelling bees

3) Some sort of mountain that falls on people

4) Closed-mindedness

5) Fennel

6) Goading

7) Genocide

8) Bullfighting

9) Nine

10) Flippant nephews

There. You could have done that.

WHY NOT DO IT AGAIN?

I won't. Because I might find it boring.

And borredom isn't in my vocabulary.

You get out of life what you put in.

I've put in a dialogue and a list, so I should get one back, if there's any justice.

JUSTICE IS BORING.

THE ONLY TRUTH IS IN ERRATICISM.

If you grab life by the balls and boredom by the scruff, keep tabs on which is which.

You don't want to mix up balls and scruff. All manner of problems might emerge.

And wear gloves.

Enjoying yourself?

YOU CAN'T ANSWER BECAUSE THE LAUGH-TO-WORD RATIO IS A MILLION TO ONE.

Who could be bored by me repeatedly breaking into CAPS LOCK?

I'll tell you who: a Communist.

But boredom is written into the works of Marx and Engels. They accounted for it - it's part of dialectical materialism.

BOREDOM exists.

An ANTIBOREDOM emerges.

The two annihilate to create a new SUPERBOREDOM.

That's why Marx was an idiot.

We can't be waiting for superboredom. We've got to fight it now. With hands, not concepts; sticks, not sociological forces.

THIS TANGENT HAS BEEN A MISTAKE.

Let's go back. Right back to the beginning.

Revisiting the past can be boring, but not if you do it in a French accent.

Scroll to the top of this post and read it again, imagining the words in a French accent.

There are several key jokes that you'll only get if you imagine it in a French accent.

I'll wait for you here.

Go and do it.

GO AND DO THAT INTERESTING THING.

...

***

Are you back?

Did you spot the jokes?

That's right: punch.

I mentioned punch because it sounds funny in a French accent.

Punch.

Ahaha.

If only I could indicate accents as text. But I can't.

I bet you're not bored anymore. I know I'm not.

I've shown the world. I've picked myself up, dusted myself off, bled myself dry, drunk myself blind and egged myself on.

This will be my life from now on.

THERE'S NO STOPPING ME.

I'm going to put an interesting photo at the top of this blog to make it EVEN MORE EXCITING.

LLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE


(I just punched the air)

***

[Hehe. Imagine if a French person had said that. "Punched the air". Hehehee.]