Higher Function

It's been a day of peaks and troughs. But that's what you get when you sell military hats to pigs.

Ahaha.

I could have tweeted that. But I saved it for you because I love you.

I've been so productive that I need to unwind. That's what this is.

I'm going to be quick - like one of those fast cartoon animals. The Roadrunner. Or Speedy Gonzalez. Or Sprinty Von Raccoon.

I'm just going to impart some wisdom, leave you astonished, and then get the hell out of here. No messing around.

Waffle? Ramblings? Digressions?

Not on my watch.

(I don't have a watch - too much wrist weight makes you sluggish)

[My friend - let's call her 'A' - said I use too many brackets in this blog. I can take constructive criticism. I appreciate it.]

{Actually let's call her 'A (bitch)'}

So here is my fast, sudden, lightning-bolt truth bullet:

COMEDY IS A STANLEY KNIFE

Impressed?

It's true. As true as anything I've ever typed.

I will elaborate on that.

Right on it.

But then I'll go.

I have a plain to catch.

That's right - a plain.

I've bought a big flat net.

Waterproof? To catch the rain?

No need. No Spaniard, I.

COMEDY IS A STANLEY KNIFE.

You might think I mean that allegorically. Comedy is the precision tool with which we slice and trim everyday life. The knife cuts through hypocrisy, it takes off the ridiculous edges of convention, it forges new paths and sections new... uh... sections.

Comedy is best when sharp and wielded by an expert hand. Like a graphic designer or an architect. The blunter the knife, the more banal the observations, the more pointless comedy becomes. Michael McIntyre's comedy is less of a knife and more of a flannel.

(I have no opinion of McIntyre - I've seen very little of him - but he seemed like the easiest reference there. I don't have time to be obscure.)

But I don't mean that. I'm not analysing the function of comedy through a tool-based metaphor.

What I mean is that COMEDY - the word 'COMEDY' - looks like a Stanley knife.

Look at it.

COMEDY.

The 'C' is the rounded handle, and the right-hand fork of the 'Y' is the blade.

COMEDY IS A STANLEY KNIFE.

Let's rotate it, and you'll see what I mean.

See? C-handle at the bottom, Y-blade at the top.

The word COMEDY looks just like a Stanley knife.

If you're attentive, you'll notice that this only works for upper-case COMEDY.

Lower-case comedy has that annoying stalk of the little 'd'. And a vague little 'y'-tail stub.

comedy is not a Stanley knife.


COMEDY IS A STANLEY KNIFE


I sense your mind has been blown. And rightly so.

Now I'll make good on my promise, and leave you to clean up the cerebellum smeared all over your computer screen.


Meep meep! 

¡Andale! ¡Andale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! 

Guten Tag! Ich bin ein schneller Waschbär!

***

And like THAT...


...I'm gone.