Edinburgh 2010 - Epilogue

The Edinburgh adventure is over.

I'm sitting in my comfortable, familiar chair in comfortable, familiar England. It's nice to be back.

The above is an image of one of our flyers. And all of our flyers. They were all the same. I wanted to have thousands of unique images created, and to encourage audiences to collect them all. But it just wasn't cost effective.

As you can see, I'm "WHIMSICAL". I'm not totally happy with that (though it's probably accurate), as I view whimsy with suspicion. I do like that my picture doesn't really convey any sense of whimsy. A more appropriate caption would be "SLEAZEBAG". If we'd gone for the latter, we probably would have got a larger audience.

So, let's draw some conclusions.

Was it a success?

Yes. Except I spelt 'conclusions' wrong, and the sun isn't totally accurate.

What about Edinburgh?

I'm really pleased with how the show went. With a couple of minor exceptions, I think we performed well. We managed to get people to come and see it, and we had a lot of fun. Performing every night brought pressure, but also a familiarity with being on stage, and I think my stand-up skills have improved.

I was glad to be able to see a number of great shows (particularly Kevin Eldon and Daniel Kitson), and to explore the city, which is fantastic. I'd like to see it in non-festival time.

The best part of the experience was hanging around with the other comedians, making stupid jokes, talking about comedy, debating which numbers are funny (even numbers are funnier than odd), abusing each other (verbally and philosophically), and generally having "a laugh" and, on occasion, upwards of "eighteen laughs".

But, did I have a good time?

I don't know. People have asked me that, in a for-the-sake-of-politeness kind of way. And instead of saying "Yes, thanks", I find myself reluctant to give a definite answer.

I was away too long. I was homesick after a day. And by homesick, I mean Lucysick. This was the longest we've spent apart for years, and it just felt wrong. When you spend so much time with a person, it's like you're the same being.

So spending nearly two weeks away from Lucy was like living without my right arm and leg. I felt incomplete, and my trousers didn't fit. And I kept having to meet people side-on to give the illusion of humanity.

I wouldn't want to do it again without Lucy being there with me. That's the overriding thought.

It was also difficult in terms of socialising. As I'm sure you're aware (and the above two pictures signify beautifully), I'm not at my most comfortable when talking to people. It was OK with my fellow comedians, as I got on with them well, but when called upon to talk to new folk, or when flyering, I felt completely out of my depth. It was too long to be exposed to the ravaging winds of normality.

So, I enjoyed some elements, but found others too stressful.

What about the performing? After all, that's why I was there (and not, despite my best efforts, to try every smoothie in the city and stock up on psychedelic superhero cartoons).

I enjoy performing. I like making people laugh. I like the freedom and immediacy of stand-up.

But not that much. And not enough.

I think I'm probably not going to do stand-up any more. At least, I won't seek it out. I may do the odd show here or there.

I just think that the angst that accompanies each gig outweighs the pleasure of performing. And I don't want to be a professional stand-up, even if I was good enough. That lifestyle isn't for me: travelling, solitude, loud suits, a pet elephant - all those clichés.

To improve as a performer, I'd need to be gigging all the time. And I don't want to gig. So that's it.

What I really love is writing. I'll continue to do that here, and maybe do some other stuff (more videos, more podcasts, more one-man plays about a livid rector).

And of course, more blog posts where I write a hilarious list, make a veiled reference to something, and then complain about my job. That's my bread and butter.

Writing these Edinburgh posts has been fun, in that I've been forced to be semi-serious and demi-coherent. But it's time I got back to the form that made me so successful: NO FORM.

So that was Edinburgh 2010. I wonder what will have happened by the time Edinburgh 2011 rolls around... My guess: some months, one Christmas, and the death of one of the Beastie Boys.

I'm glad I went to Edinburgh. It was an experience. I'm definitely happy to have been there, even if I wasn't happy to be there.

I'd like to thank Alex, Jon, Tom and Matt for being such good company. I hope they remember this when I next ask them for some money.

This has probably been a bit ponderous and self-important. Sorry about that.

Or it might be really moving and brilliant. You can draw your own conclusions.