I've had plenty of sun. So, whilst it's a shame that I'll never experience it again, I'm not bitter about it.
It's the epitome of bleak out there. I've never seen anything bleaker. I've drunk bleach from a black beaker; I've licked a blind bloke's leaking grey teat; I've eked out a weak funereal living; I've bled and shrieked.
But nothing is bleaker than this day. Because it's wet and cold. That's why it's bleak. That's why I'm writing this way.
Soon it will be April, and the sun will still refuse to shine. My eight hundred parasols are a joke: each more useless than the last.
The summer will be full of people reminiscing and pissing wattage up the walls.
Then it will be winter again. And at least the seasonal cold will be familiar. We'll wrap it round us like a shawl, nodding on our rocking chairs as our ricket-stricken children squint at fluorescent tubes.
This is what the world is like now. We've had a good run. It would be greedy to ask for more.
***
I thought I'd get the upbeat section of the blog out of the way. Next: onto how I really fail.
Hahaha!
I just made a mistake!
I meant to type "how I really feel", but accidentally wrote "fail". I'm sure a psychiatrist would have no interest in analysing that mistake LOL!
But seriously, folks - I'm really lucky to be where I am. Even though my feet are freezing, I have all manner of cheering luxuries. Lucy just made us a pot of loose-leaf earl grey tea. A lot of people think earl grey is the bleakest of teas, and those people may be on the right track. But at least tea is warm and delicious, which is more than can be said for the sky.
Also, I bought a jambalaya ready meal earlier. I know what you're thinking. "A ready meal? I didn't realise you were DISGUSTINGLY WORKING CLASS." Frankly, I find that offensive. Please email me an apology.
The jambalaya in question actually came from Waitrose. That's right: Waitrose. That's your favourite shop, that is. Who's disgustingly working now, eh?
I also have DVDs of the television programmes Enlightened and Girls to watch. I've only watched a couple of episodes of each, but they seem to be very interesting and American. I'll let you know when they cease to be either.
That's the good thing about living in the civilised world. Nature may crush our spirits, but we can always buy commodities that will make us feel better. That's why there's no need to fuss about poverty and war. Buying things kills off our urge to make the world a better place. I'd rather improve my DVD collection than the state of the planet.
I'm listening to my iTunes songs on shuffle, and they seem to be as bleak as the weather. I think that's some kind of reverse-pathetic fallacy. Maybe I should skip until I find something more upbeat.
Ugh. No, not that.
I don't seem to own much upbeat music.
Oh, that's pretty good!
There!
Then again, the lyrics aren't that happy.
Speaking before you figure it out
Not always right, but never in doubt
Stepping inside for now
Your mind is red
Fall down dead
Into the dark, out of the room
Out of the way, never too soon
Some of the ground you gave
Lost instead
Fall down dead
Don’t listen to me, listen to yourself
Listen to yourself
Don’t listen to me, or anybody else
Listen to yourself
Some of the things you said
Stop my head
Fall down dead
Fall down dead
I wouldn't like to fall down dead. I'd rather fall down alive, and then die afterwards. I don't want to miss the falling. It would be an experience.
I need to buy some slippers. They would warm up my feet, and no mistake.
Purchasing will save us all!
Capitalism is all about distraction. With enough objects and colours and sounds, things seem good and well.
I've just looked outside, and it's not that bleak after all, actually!
I'm going to go and cut myself.
Some bread! Cut myself some bread!
HAppy EASTERR Everyboddy!!"
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