Edinburgh 2010 - Day 1

It was Saturday on Saturday. You may have noticed, due to the corresponding words.

It was also the day of our first gig, which I hadn't really thought much about, what with all the looking at things and nodding at animals that looked like they might have some kind of industry connection.

We walked around the city, and I went exploring on my own, not getting lost (which was a real boon for me - that's right: boon). I got knackered walking up hills and steps. I went up to Edinburgh Castle (though didn't go in). On the way, I saw what looked like police sniffer dogs. With them were some police. I heard some people speculating about a bomb threat, but I'm not sure that's what they were doing. Maybe someone had simply mislaid a pungent wallet.

While I was there, I went to get a smoothie in a little shop. There was something slightly off about the staff. They created the impression that they'd beaten and tied up the real smoothie shop staff in the back, and had been sent out front to make it look like everything was normal. They didn't seem to know how things worked, or where anything was. They also didn't know the names of any of the smoothies.

Which reminds me of a real pet peeve of mine (which in turn reminds me, I probably should have arranged for a neighbour to take care of my pet peeves while I was away - or have put them in some sort of peeve kennel).

It really annoys me when cafes have wacky names for their menu items, but then don't ever use them themselves. There's always a list of sandwiches or salads called The Morning Magician or The Wild'n'Crazy or The Foreigner or the Lightning Bolt Panini.

And you see these on the menu, and feel you have to call them by name. It's embarrassing, but you do it.

"Can I have one - uh - The Foreigner, and one Morning Magician please?"

And to compound the demeaningness (that's right) of the whole exchange, they say "which one's that?"

"The.. Morning Magician?"

"The what?!"

Then you point to the menu, and they say: "Ohhhh. Cheese and tomato. Why didn't you say so?"

YOU WERE THE ONES THAT NAMED THE PRODUCTS! AT LEAST ADHERE TO YOUR OWN STUPID RULES!

At the suspicious smoothie shop, I asked for the first one the menu, which was the (ugh) "Up and at 'Em!". But which they only knew as "the top one".

I didn't like that.

After smoothiegate (which I'll name for Alex - who loves the suffix "-gate"), I went to see a show by two lesbian poets. It seems like it might be a bit reductive to refer to them as that (I probably wouldn't describe going to see two black poets), but what're ya gonna do?

They were good. Though I feel intimidated by people with that level of self-belief and powerful annunciation.

They were performing in the spooky basement of our venue: The Banshee Labyrinth.

We had a look at our stage, which is a small cinema space. It was pretty cool.

Before our show started, we saw Jon do five good minutes in a weird gig at an adjacent venue, and we awkwardly left in the middle to go to our place.

(I should just say that any time I refer to awkwardness in this blog, it's only me that's awkward. I've almost made awkwardness into an art form, If you want someone to stand around making people feel uncomfortable, just give me a call - a call which will be so excruciating, you'll feel compelled to burn your phone.)

The audience for Gig 1 was good - most of the people there were friends of Jon's (though we had a few more people come in throughout the show).

The thing about being part of the Free Fringe is that it's free. (You may have noticed, due to the corresponding words.) So people float in and out, and you need to convince people to come in with sheer charm (or in my case, awkward standing in hallways). We don't have our flyers yet, so had to improvise with bits of paper and banter.

The show went well, I thought. I was pleased with my performance, which included some fun ad libs.

I've stopped doing one-liners in my set, as I found them a bit incongruous and embarrassing. Though I might try a few later in the run.

(I won't be reviewing my showmates' performances here, as that could be a bit weird. So just assume that they're always brilliant unless I say otherwise.)

All in all: a satisfying first show. It will be interesting to see how my mood and opinion of myself fluctuates throughout the week.

Well, I say interesting. I mean self-indulgent. Which is interesting to me, at least.