Two-Dimensional Deity

I don't think the idea of an omnipotent God is very appealing. I don't like characters that are too powerful.

Superman used to have ridiculous powers that essentially meant he could do anything. It was boring. I think someone should revamp God by giving him some character flaws. They could use the Stan Lee method.

Alan Moore says Lee revolutionised superheroes by changing them from one-dimensional to two-dimensional. So instead of being just noble infallible Boy Scouts, they were still noble, infallible Boy Scouts, but with a bad leg or something.

That's all you need to reinvent God. It doesn't need to be anything spectacular. You don't need to make him an alcoholic, or give him a traumatic childhood. You just need one minor flaw to offset the dull omnipotence.

I think I'd make him a fussy eater.

He'd still have everything else (infinite compassion, wisdom, knowledge etc). He'd just be a bit particular at mealtimes. So if he went to a friend's house for dinner (Noah, for example - or the Pope - or Jonathan Edwards), he'd be a bit difficult.

JONATHAN: "Is everything OK, God? You haven't touched your food."

GOD: "Oh... yeah. I mean, it's fine, it's just..."

"What?"

"I'm just... not a big fan of rice, that's all."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should have thought. I could heat you up some pasta, if you like?"

"Eugh. Not big on pasta either, I'm afraid. And what are these green things?"

"Peas."

"Yeah, I thought so."

"You... oh, never mind."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You were going to say something. I'm omniscient - I can tell. Also, I already know what you were going to say."

"It's just... you created all this food. You created rice and pasta and peas. Why didn't you just make things that you liked the taste of?"

"Well, that would be somewhat selfish for a benevolent God, don't you think?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

"Never mind."

HE PUSHES HIS PLATE AWAY

"What do you like to eat?"

"Oh I like lots of things. Ice-cream... uh... ice-cream sundaes..."

"Right..."

"...choc ices... I don't mind Rice Crispie cakes. Preferably with some ice-cream."

"I'm afraid we don't have any ice-cream."

"Oh. Well. That's OK, that's fine."

AN AWKWARD PAUSE. GOD DRUMS HIS FINGERS ON THE TABLETOP.

"So, what are we doing after dinner?"

"I thought we could play Trivial Pursuit. Obviously, you'll need some sort of handicap. Maybe you could play with a pie that requires an infinite number of pieces?"

...

"I'm hungry."