Chekhov's Knife Turn

Walking to work the other day, I heard this snippet of conversation:

"...at the end, he turns on him. With a knife."

And I was so, so angry.

Why aren't people more careful about spoilers?

These people were just casually chatting about the end of something, in public, not even whispering. No consideration.

Of course, I have no idea what they were talking about. It could be any film or television programme. It could even just be an anecdote from their lives.

But still: livid.

Now, every time I watch a film, it's going to be in the back of my mind. If there are two male characters, I'll be half-expecting one of them to turn on the other one. Especially if a knife has been previously established.

People should think before they discuss key plot details in public.

It doesn't matter that it's vague. If anything, that makes it worse. It's like someone telling you that there's a twist without saying what the twist is. You spend the whole film so obsessed with figuring out the twist that you ignore all of the dialogue and popcorn.

From now on, I'm only going to watch films with fewer than two male characters. If people ask me why, I can claim that it's an act of Bechdelesque feminism. But really, it's so I don't already know the ending.

Or, I suppose I could watch it if the film takes place in a world without knives.

Either it's set in a pre-knife civilisation (early cavemen) or sci-fi set in an entirely different planet or dimension. They'd have to make it pretty clear that there were no knives, though. That element would probably have to be the main thrust of the marketing campaign.

[trailer voice]

"In a world where the knife is but a pipedream...

but pipes exist, I guess..."

[/trailer voice]

(Sidebar: It's funny how our jokes about trailers are totally out of date. No-one has used that "in a world" voice for ages, but we still do it to illustrate a typical trailer. Modern trailers are all just darkness, discordant droning and occasional throbbing flashes of Jessica Chastain.)

Though, if that was the marketing campaign, I would begin to suspect that knives would make an appearance at some point. I mean, why would they make such a big thing of it otherwise?

It would probably be the driving force of the plot. A man with a knife in a knifeless world.

It would be like that Ricky Gervais film about lying, except it would make sense. And would feature Ricky Gervais getting stabbed (if I was the casting director/prop master).

Basically, all visual entertainment has been ruined for me by those two thoughtless people. And maybe even audio entertainment. Someone might turn on Thom Yorke at the end of the next Radiohead album.

My life is over.

Also, on the same walk, I saw a heron on a tree branch.