How to Write

I have just read an excellent article on relationships by Jon Richardson. You can find it here.

I've never seen Richardson do stand-up, but have enjoyed his radio show on occasion. I didn't know he was such a good writer. His article is serious without being preachy or pretentious, funny without being wacky, and full of beautiful observations about real life without being Peter Kay.

It's exactly the right tone. I wish I could write like that.

I used to write serious blog posts much more. I'd talk about issues and give my heartfelt opinions on life and politics and the world. But I don't do that anymore.

I think I get scared that I'll come across as preachy, wacky or Kayish. It's difficult to discuss something seriously when most of my other posts consist of puns and imaginary scenarios.

I think I worry about ending serious posts. Those endings are awful. You want to sum things up, but do you write something dismissive? Something nauseatingly profound?

Another reason I don't write about serious things is that I've already rehearsed the arguments so many times in my head that by the time I start to write them down, I'm really bored.

I'm happy to discuss them in real life, but not here.

The trouble is, that leaves me with very little content. I don't write about serious issues, I don't write about my life, I don't often just post links to videos or articles, I don't often review films or music.

So I write about nothing much. I suppose it hasn't really hampered me. I'm still writing as much as I ever was. But I'm forced to mine for content in odd places. I look in the small spaces between words, in the recesses of my brain, in dreams, in misunderstandings. It probably makes all this stuff a bit too slight. I'm never really writing anything of substance.

But then, who needs substance? People have enough substance in their lives. They need ephemera. They need guff. They need to be guided down a path that no-one's ever been before, because it's prickly and obvious, and it doesn't really go anywhere.

Maybe I could write something serious. I could do an article like the one above. Maybe I'll write one.

But not today.

(See what I mean about endings?)

***

I was trying to think of something to supplement the above. Sometimes I do that: I'm not totally satisfied that what I've written warrants its own post, so I try to add a bit of value.

What I fail to understand is simple mathematics.

2 x Disappointing Blog Posts = twice as much disappointment.

Also, if I leave a long gap before completing the entry, my mood has changed. This changes the overall impact of the entry.

(This is fascinating information. I'm giving away the tricks of my trade here - like one of those programmes - Behind the Magician's Secret Compartments or The Hidden Secrets of Tom Cruise REVEALED! [hint: robot])

Really I should cut my losses and give up now. But I can't shake the feeling that I might start writing something interesting. I'm trying to tunnel my way out of a cul-de-sac by burrowing further and further into shit.

It's understandable. If I had a gold nugget, I probably would hide it under miles of excrement. After all, what kind of idiot would look for it there?

In any case, if I keep tunnelling, I'll eventually arrive on the other side of the world. There's sure to be something interesting there. Sharks, probably. And everybody loves sharks.

That reminds me of that old joke.

Haha... good times...

I should stop reminiscing. There's a hole to be dug.

I should probably have worn some gloves. But hindsight is 20/20. Unless you've been drinking.

Then it's 40/40.

I could be an optician if I didn't feel dizzy every time I saw an iris.

Hmm, I seem to be wandering round in eccentric circles. I should stop now before I collapse.