Cut

As annoying as the weird videos that are 'related' to mine on Youtube are, nothing could prepare me for the sheer joy at having one of the related videos be for an episode of Greenclaws. Remember Greenclaws?



I used to like it as a kid. If you aren't aware of it, let's go through the synopsis from the Wikipedia entry. As with all children's programmes, it is really, really weird.

Greenclaws was a big green monster who lived in a greenhouse.

[As a child, this seemed perfectly acceptable.]

Every week, Iris would visit Greenclaws. They would put a seed in a plant pot, put the plant pot inside a tree, wait for Owlma (a mechanical owl) to alert them that the plant was ready, answer three riddles/questions from Owlma (which were always along the lines of "Twit twoo, twoo, twit twit twoo?" and then translated into English by Greenclaws for him and Iris to solve), then open the tree to find the plant had grown in to something bearing unusual fruit.

[This run-on sentence captures the pure insanity of the show. Planting seeds is fine. Growing trees is fine. But where does the MECHANICAL OWL come in?!]

Each episode featured a song filmed (lip-synched) on location, most of which were written by Hilary James and Simon Mayor. There would also be a story told featuring ancestors of Greenclaws while the plant was growing, accompanied by illustrations.

[I like that they had to stipulate that the songs were lip-synched, just in case the artistic integrity of a man dressed like mucus was called into question]

But it was a great show. I'm glad to be associated with it. Even if I can't work out why I would be.

***

I've found out that the phenomenon documented in the entry below is sometimes called catachresis. It's a cool word. I had a strenuous internal debate over whether to change the title of that entry to 'catachresis'.

In the end, I decided not to, as the current title (The 3 Rs: Repetition, Repetition, Repetition) is a reference to a Fall song (coincidentally called 'Repetition'), and to remove a reference to The Fall is a crime tantamount to defecating in a cathedral.

***

Some words to live by:

Don't rock in a rockery

Don't smoke pot in some pottery

Don't build a flat on some flattery

Don't swing a bat in a battery

Don't show your butt in a buttery

Don't spend a lot on a lottery

and finally:


Don't tease Pat in a patisserie


You're welcome to suggest your own, but I fear the last one (which Lucy came up with) may be the apex of this little word puzzle, and possibly all human achievement up to this point.

***

I had my haircut recently.

My head has now gone from the lumpy and massive (like a beanbag in an anger-management class), to small and polished (like a Communist pebble). The hair makes the top of my head too flat.

But I can never be bothered to get it cut regularly. So it's preferable to have it cut really short once every six months, rather than mid-length every few weeks.

My head feels a lot lighter (and colder). I might invest in a wig, or a well-trained wolverine.

Luckily the two shops (This Little Wiggy and The Discount Wolverine Depot) are next to each other in the shopping centre. So I can make up my mind once I get there.

Which reminds me, I could also go to Make Up Your Mind in the same precinct, and where they smear your exposed brain with blusher and eye-shadow.

Then I can catch the bus home, my head looking like a warped globe designed by Hieronymus Bosch.