I'm ashamed to have left such a big gap between posts, and I might have to remedy it by posting much too frequently over the next couple of days.
Unfortunately, there hasn't been much happening, so I'll have to make things up or just repeat myself ad nauseum.
I mentioned an Umberto Eco book in my last entry (The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana - a title so cumbersome and clumsy, it has almost put me off writing about it). I have been reading it on and off, and it's pretty good. I think the themes of the book have filtered into my subconscious. I've been thinking about memories, and attempts to recapture the past (see my last post for examples).
The plot of the Eco book is about a man who is suffering from amnesia, and seeks to regain his memories. He travels to his childhood home and tries to rebuild his life by experienceing old books, music and objects; in effect he is re-living his life.
I haven't finished the book yet, so I don't know what will happen. But it raises some interesting questions about time and identity. The main character, Yambo, is doing what we all sometimes try to do: return to his past. I suppose the book is questioning human lives, and pondering whether we are nothing but the sum of our experiences, or something like that.
I have thought about this a bit before, but it must have weevilled its way into by brain.
I removed the old graphic novels and comic trade paperbacks from under our bed and have put them on display. I also read a book about the history of comics that I hadn't read for a long time. It's weird looking at these things again, and wondering how the changes in my situation have effected my reaction to them. I sometimes watch old wrestling events too: ones that conjure up particularly strong memories.
You can do the same with music. There are certain songs that are incredibly evocative of my childhood. Songs work best, I think, as they've got something intangible about them that taps into your soul. Smell and taste work in a similar way.
I suppose it's like I said last time - you remember the past with fondness, even if it wasn't that spectacular at the time. The thing is, those memories, those moments, were once so important and immediate that they seem like home. It's like never being able to return to your childhood home (which incidentally, I can't). It's just sad to say goodbye to all those things that shaped you as a person.
It would be good if you could revisit your own past, maybe as a ghost (you could scare yourself by wailing and knocking stuff off shelves), and experience the same sensations. But you can't. The me of now could never feel the same as the me of fifteen years ago, even if we were both watching Summerslam 93.
There is a poinancy to the past that is quite painful. That's why that Johnny Cash video is so sad. Awareness of the passage of time makes us seem impotent and alone. It's probably an evolutionary development that keeps us looking forward most of the time, or else we'd be obsessed with recreating our lives, still dragged forward in a riptide.
It's what makes moments of pure satisfaction so important. Sometimes, you just realise and appreciate the beauty of the present, and can live it with all the attention that the elder ghost-you would if he could.
I know I'm rambling on a bit. OK, a lot. But that's what I've been thinking about. Maybe when I've finished book with an annoyingly clunky title I'll have a new perspective on the whole thing.
***
I'm sure it's incredibly interesting for everyone, but here is the Top Ten songs that evoke Paul's childhood, for one reason or another!
Number 10
The Carpenters - We've Only Just Begun
My parents liked the Carpenters. And even though they're incredibly uncool, I think they're pretty eerie. If you saw Juno, you know Sonic Youth thought so too...
Number 9
Grease Theme
My sister liked the film, alright? I didn't like it. I didn't enjoy it, watching it again and again. I didn't! I'm heterosexual, dammit! *sob*
Number 8
The Beatles - Help
I don't even remember my parents having this record, but this song definately reminds me of being a child. Perhaps I was constantly abused, and 'help' was my first word...
Number 7
Lionel Richie - All Night Long
Providing the "Dynamic" Duo of parent-pop with their first entry onto the list, some classy Richie.
Number 6
Billy Joel - An Innocent Man
The other member of the "Dynamic" Duo. Joel is also unfashionable. If you're not going to watch any of these videos (which is very understandable) at least watch this one. It's dedicated to my darling Lucy.
Number 5
Spandau Ballet - True
Another slightly conventional choice from my parents' collection. You wouldn't think it, but my mum is into experimental Jazz-Funk, and my dad loves Noisecore.
The preceeding statement was a lie.
Number 4
The Bangles - Eternal Flame
Come on now, the others in this list are just throwbacks. This is an amazing tune; no-one can deny it. And FUCK Atomic Kitten for their Godawful cover.
Number 3
Disney's Robin Hood - Not In Nottingham
A great film. Ironically, Nottingham seems to have only got more unpleasant, what with all the gun crime. They should start to use this as their city anthem.
Number 2
Family Ties Theme
OK, I'm running out of ideas now. Did anyone else watch Family Ties? It was a good show, if I remember correctly. Michael J Fox is the King of 80s nostalgia. Family Ties, Back to the Future, Teen Wolf. All winners.
Number 1
Kylie Minogue - Hand On My Heart
I liked this before Jose Gonzalez did his (admittedly quite good) version!
So, there it is. I'm sure this means about as much to you as Eco describing Yambo listening to fascist anthems does to me. Which is to say: a bit. Do these songs remind you of your childhood? Which songs do? You can tell me in the comments section, if you like. I'm not desperate or anything.
I can always write some myself, pretending to be someone else.
"Why Diamond Bagder, your writing is simply stunning! And might I add, you have an enormous cock!"
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