The Children Are Our Retarded Future

Children are stupid. At least, it seems that way. They're always thinking stupid things, like "I might as well piss myself" and "Westlife are good!"

It's really just a lack of information, I suppose, which makes it understandable.

And yet, I'm probably still going to be impatient if my children don't know everything I do by the time they're two years old.

I can picture the little scamp now, toddling along to the TV showing Back to the Future, his chubby hand pointing, saying (in a cute baby voice) "Elisabeth Shue!"

And I'll say, "No!"

"NO! You idiot! NO! Elisabeth Shue was Jennifer only in Parts II and III, you fool. Jennifer in I is played by Claudia Wells! That's it - no dinner for you". And then I might give the child a clip round the ear, or a kick to the clavicle.

And the child would respect that, and just get up (perhaps nodding to me in appreciation - or saluting), and would learn from their mistake.

Cratthew Fung will not grow up a fool.

I remember some of the stupid stuff I used to think when I was a kid.

I knew people went to heaven when they died, and I knew what death was, so I thought heaven was just a massive room with loads of people lying down in it. And God, I suppose, was sitting at the head of the room like some all-powerful invigilator, keeping an eye on the whole enterprise. What a ridiculous thought!

Heaven doesn't look like that! It doesn't look like anything, because it doesn't exist!

I also knew that we had blood in our bodies, and that we bled if cut. So I assumed we were just filled up with blood, like a big vat. Lucy also believed this; I wonder if it's a common misconception. I also wonder why we didn't get suspicious when we failed to hear any significant internal sloshing when we were on the swings.

Stupid kids.

Everyone was like that in the olden days. Everyone was a child back then, full of stupid ideas. The olden days were the childhood of mankind. People were convinced of ridiculous notions, like the four humours, or that bears lick their cubs into their proper form.

But then again, they suffered from the same lack of information as children do today.

You'd think that adults in the present day, apprised of facts, wouldn't be so stupid. And yet...

Of course, Bush is deprived of facts too (by his aides, his culture, his lack of basic motor skills), which makes the whole world insane. It would be funny if it wasn't so real.

Oh well, the world will survive. After all, we're on the back of a benevolent giant turtle aren't we?

He'll protect us.

Unlike God in his invigilator's chair, pretending to read a book, when he's really eyeying up the attractive corpses.

I was an invigilator once...