Kick it right the F off.
Kick it old school.
Let's just kick it.
Off.
No more Mr Nice Guy.
No more Mr Not Kick.
We're kickin' it right now.
Can I kick it?
Let's hope so, or my bluster will be rendered pointless.
...
I should give speeches at football matches. I ooze inspiration from every pore.
At least I think that's inspiration.
Yeah.
Short, staccato sentences.
Just like the old days.
Let's get this party started right. Right?
Right.
Kick.
Kick.
(I should also teach people how to swim/to be a belligerent horse)
Here we go.
This blog will be in two parts: one book (pseudo)review and another one of my highly popular tweet compendiums. If you like words, you'll like this (unless you don't like me).
That's right - overused parentheses.
I'm kicking it alright.
...
My foot hurts.
***
An Idiot Flaps Odyssey - Part 13
Unlucky for some.
Intro
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
It has been an emotional journey so far. I've learned, I've leaned, I've gleaned, I've glearned.
I've learnt about the history of the western world from Spenser and Williams, been given insight into the human condition from Tolstoy and Fitzgerald, had my passions excited by the great classics, been moved to tears, grown as a reader and as a person. And next on the agenda of enlightenment...
***
Russell Brand - My Booky Wook
Ah, Mr Brand.
Mr Brand.
I've probably written about old Rusty Rockets (as he's known) before. Here's the quick version:
- I think he is clever and funny
- his radio show is brilliant (Lucy and I have listened to it almost literally every day for the past couple of years)
- his stand-up leaves me feeling a bit cold, and doesn't quite capture him
- his other work is varied in quality
- he is everything people accuse him of
- he seems very arrogant and hard to get along with
- he produces words, ideas and jokes at an amazing speed
- he is very self-aware, and is able to have his cake and eat it by being ridiculous and brutally satirising himself, often in the space of the same sentence.
- he is a curiosity; I'm not sure if I like him, but I feel that I know him, like an irritating cousin
So, with that in mind, is the Booky Wook any good?
It is some good, but not entirely good.
(Brand is often attacked for his ridiculous use of language - epitomised by the title of this book. We recently listened to the radio show where he came up with Booky Wook. It emerged as an extreme parody of his language, and as a 'wouldn't-it-be-funny' joke suggestion for the title. I think this is an example of something that often happens: his self-ridicule being taken at face value)
It's an interesting read (unfortunately I'd heard a lot of the stories before), and he has clearly led an eventful, and in some cases disturbing, life. But it leads to an uneven tone and pace. Brand has more to offer than just describing the events of his life, but the balance seems a bit off.
I suppose that's the case for all celebrity autobiographies - they're not there to convey ideas, but to list incidents. It makes for an unsatisfying reading experience: you want something deeper instead of broader.
To be fair to Brand, he discusses a lot of interesting ideas, strange philosophies, and can analyse his own behaviour in vivid and original ways. He speaks candidly about his childhood, his drug addiction and his womanizing ways. In a way, the best bits are when he is unapologetically arrogant, because it provides an window into his (slightly warped) thought processes.
He has a great way with language, but this is sometimes hindered by the inevitable break-neck pace of the story. What sticks out most is his keen observational eye, and his ability to express it in interesting terms.
I've written more about this than I do about most books. Sorry.
In conclusion, I think (just like stand-up), Brand's style is too constrained by the biography format. He needs to be able to roam free and pull out surprises, weird insights, and ridiculous comedy scenarios, without having to worry about narrative.
I did enjoy reading it, but I don't know if I'd recommend it to a friend.
I don't have any friends, so that situation may never come up.
But I wouldn't recommend it to an enemy either.
Final Judgement:
BOOK IS QUITE GOOD.
Thank you.
***
Welcome to another edition of That Was The Tweet That T'was. I'm going to subtly change the name of this feature each time.
(Haha! Feature! I seem to think this is like Going Live, and I've got an organised running order of hilarious segments. Up next: Sarah Green fights Sarah Brown - both camouflaged against a jungle backdrop)
***
A crescent moon is a pleasant moon. A gibbous moon is a... uh... hmm... plibbous moon?
***
"The moon! The moon! Like Guile from Street Fighter's Sonic Boom!" - William Blake, 1819.
***
I love watching the moon slide down the sky like a smiling slumped drunk.
***
I've probably tweeted about the moon too much tonight. But on the other hand, I might gain a few werewolf followers.
***
A message to the custard makers of Britain: Keep up the goo work!
***
Love is like a flower: covered in aphids.
***
I wish my internal monologue would shut up. It's like living with a melancholy parrot.
***
I've just sent myself an email reminding me to be less self-involved.
***
If I could marry a foodstuff, it would be my work canteen's curried sweet potato salad. Though the wedding would be weird (coleslaw inlaws).
***
No man is an Eye Land (ocular-themed amusement park).
***
Keep an eye out for the eye socket inspector.
***
What do you call a man with five legs? If in doubt, check his birth certificate.
***
Time to do a quick bit of washing up. Luckily, I thought ahead and had taps installed.
***
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and MegaXtremeLies™".
***
I've been waiting for inspiration to strike, and it has. Now it's outside with placards and chants and demands, and I'm at a complete loss.
***
I'm starting an anarcho-punk collective called Furrowed Brow. #untruths
***
Old is the new new.
***
Old is the old new new. NEW is the new new new. (And the old new)
***
If you do the old "Your shoelaces are untied!" trick, you get extra points if the trickee has no feet and still looks down.
***
On my desk I have a mug, covered by a coffee filter lid. And what's inside? A lightbulb. That's how I roll.
***
If I ever find myself questioning my own courage or integrity, I just have to remind myself I don't own an iPhone, and I feel a lot better.
***
When they finally invent the vestproof bullet, shit's going down.
***
I'd like to ride a modified penny-farthing, with the front wheel the size of the sun and the rear wheel the size of an electron.
***
I only have ten teeth. Some people might think that's decadent...
[NOTE: I don't think anyone got this]
***
I haven't thought about stirrups for years. Honestly.
***
Lobsters were originally named because they were so good at throwing things.
***
Nail-clippers are anachronisms in a world where there's belt sanders.
***
Most Danger Mouse fans don't realise that Penfold's exclamation "Crumbs!" is actually a racial slur mocking the Bread People.
***
I'm drilling a hole in my skull to let the angst out. Trepannicking, I think it's called.
***
I'm working on a contagious racist quiche, but at the moment it's too unstable. I call it the Flu Flux Flan.
[NOTE: This tweet is flawed for two main reasons. See if you can guess what they are]
[NOTE: I'd better not start doing this analysis for all tweets, or this post will be a mile long]
***
I think match.com should start selling firelighters. Otherwise the site name is misleading. Also, lonely people like to burn things.
***
"Bloody Hell!" and "Good Heavens!" are both expressions of frustration. I like to say "Neutral Limbo!", then wink at the waitress.
***
I got the bus home because I want the planet to die.
***
I'm no conspiracy theorist, but even I question the veracity of the Warren Commission. "Where rabbits live" is not a satisfying conclusion.
***
If my doubt alarm had a snooze button, it would be fucking dust by now.
***
Loop before you leak.
***
If you hold the sea up to your ear, you can hear the unmistakable sound of shells.
***
I received some excellent guidance on seasoning onion stuffing. It was sage advice.
***
I don't have any friends called Steve, and I think I'm a more tolerant person as a result.
***
The flat above ours is full of loud, boisterous, stomping people. It's possibly a 'party', but I have my hopes pinned on 'massacre'.
***
If you concentrate on one spot for long enough, you can really freak out a leopard.
***
There's always something magical about rain hitting the window at night. As a side note, I'm dressed as a wizard.
***
I'm going to stop procrastinating and start concrastinating.
***
Exams are getting easier. Young oaks are now producing a*corns.
***
I'm going to brush some of my teeth.
***
I'm undecided about whether we should electronically track ants. In fact, you might say I'm antaganostic.
***
I can use all my hooves equally well - I'm Bambidextrous.
***
Which snake is the best at maths? The one with the calculator.
***
I think it's fair to say that anyone who has ever ridden a horse is also a big fan of Oswald Mosley.
***
No-one ever offers people their shallow condolences.
***
That's it.
This is too long to check for typos. Let's just hope everything turns out OK.
Remember: you're all special and appreciate all of you. One day we'll all live on an special island and won't have to worry about war or bills or cricket.
But we will have to worry about crickets.
It will be The Isle of Crickets.
We will be in mortal peril.
Good night (or day, depending on when you read this)
Don't have nightmares.
Well, you can have some.
But don't have too many. Four is too many.
Have ≤ three nightmares.
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