Space

Astronomy is a load of old rubbish.

I mean sure, it's quite interesting to know about the secrets of the universe, the immensity of stars, the almost unimaginable vastness of space, black holes four million times heavier than the sun. Yeah, that's quite interesting.

If true.

But it's recently become apparent to me that they're probably making this stuff up. And I have empirical evidence:


I took this picture myself. With my camera phone.
It's not even a good camera phone - it's really old.
And just look at the celestial beauty of the thing. It's awe inspiring. It's better than any picture taken by a so-called telescope. You could send a thousand probes in a thousand directions for a billion years, and you'd never get anything as moving and astonishing as this picture.
"But Paul," I hear you say (if you know my name).
"But Gary," I hear you say (if you thought you knew my name but actually don't).
"But Dickhead," I hear you say (correctly).
"What is this heavenly body? What celestial object is shown in the above picture? What planet is this? From what galaxy?"
Well, my friends, the answer may astound you, and throw the whole astonomical world into turmoil!
The picture is:
the inside of my coffee mug.
It needs a clean.
Pretty, though.