Prognosis Negative

I wonder how much the advertising agency was paid to come up with those adverts for WKD. You know the ones: they show a man abusing his wife, or shitting in a nun's hamper, or raping a children's ward, and it finishes with the slogan - "have you got a WKD side?"

I bet they got paid quite a lot. Too much, I'm sure. Reading between the lines, the slogan is actually: "Are you a cunt?".

Are you a cunt? Then drink this disgusting blue piss. WKD: a cuntish drink for cunts. Do you humiliate your friends to alleviate the constant self-hatred the dominates your stinking life? Do you abuse your pets and enjoy giving smart-alec replies to your ignorant, downtrodden girlfriend? Do you think your behaviour is cheeky and charming, when in reality everyone hates you?

Do you enjoy drinking a drink so repugnant that tabloid readers view you as a homosexual, and broadsheet readers view you as a chav?

You are the lowest of the low. The company that makes this "drink" might as well forego all pretensions and call it STD. Have you got an STD side?

Are you a cunt? Are you?

Are you?

You are. You are a cunt. Buy this drink, you cunt. Drink it like the cunt you are. Drink it. Down it. Choke on it, you piece of human waste. Do us all a favour and drown in bright-blue satan spunk.

You are a cunt.

...

And I don't get paid anything for that. Where's the justice?

Hey, remember a while ago I decided not to swear as much on here? That didn't really pan out.

***

I used to be a Kevin Smith fanboy. I think sixth-form was the peak of my fandom. I remember buying the Clerks animated series on our media studies trip to New York. I found him very funny, and all View Askew DVDs are packed full of fun features.

I know opinion is mixed about the man and his work. Clerks and Chasing Amy are generally well respected. The rest, less so. But I liked him. I still think he's a funny dude. His commentaries and Q&As are consistently entertaining.

But I sort of lost interest in him sometime after Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (which was fine).

I missed out on Jersey Girl (and I can't say I regret that). But in a flurry of nostalgia, I decided to give Clerks II a try, and we watched it on DVD last night.

And wow. That is one terrible film. It's difficult to think of a more ill-judged film. It made Mallrats look like Chinatown.

So many cliches (I almost turned it off at the 'girl-I-fancy-teaches-me-how-to-dance' scene), such inconsistency in tone. Rosario Dawson is much too attractive to be in the movie, let alone be interested in Brian O'Halloran.

Well, the flaws are too numerous to mention, but the most important one is: it's not funny. At all. And Smith can usually be relied on to be funny some of the time.

So, if you're faced with the option, say no to Clerks II.

I'm sure it's just an aberation. His podcast (with producer Scott Mosier) is good, and his new film looks like it might be funny:



But I don't know if my fanboyism will return. It's probably for the best. In-depth knowledge of Walt Flanagan is probably taking up brain-space better spent on literature or fire safety.