Even if you're on an ice rink or frozen pond. You shouldn't be wearing the skates. I've specifically written this entry with the un/de-skatéd in mind. If you have some kind of foot-blade related accident whilst trudging through this paragraph, it's nobody's fault but your own.
I'm undecided about rollerblades. On the one hand, they are a type of skate. But on the other, there is no sharp metal foot-machete involved. I suggest you take off your rollerblades, but there shouldn't be a problem if you choose to wear them.
Also, take that pigtail out of your mouth. This is serious business.
And turn off your pagers. Mobile phones are fine, but I can't abide pagers. In fact, if you have a pager, please make a hole in the ice and throw it in. A seal might be grateful; all pinnipeds are Luddites.
Ready?
Good.
Here we go.
...
I haven't decided what to write about yet.
But my previous conditions still obtain.
***
Oh, there's something I should quickly clear up after my previous blog post:
I will never become a hitman. I probably came across as being vague in my response to that issue. I am not suited to the job, and wouldn't like to do it, even if I was.
Let's just draw a line under it.
_________________________________
I seem to have become fond of that expression. I've used it twice in recent posts. That's probably too much.
Let's draw a lion under it.
I could work for Disney.
Not as an animator, of course. But they probably need people to wash dishes or do data entry.
I'd try not to imply that Walt was a Nazi. I don't even know if he was.
***
I was going to do a series of "let's draw a [BLANK] under it" jokes.
(Not "let's draw a blank under it" - that's different)
But to be honest, I don't think I'm going to be able to beat that lion. It's probably my proudest artistic achievement.
Except for that time I drew a duck playing Monopoly (on the saxophone).
She's playing Monopoly!
But not the board game!
It's obviously a piece of music called Monopoly! ISN'T THAT CLEVER?
SHE'S EVEN LOOKING DOWN AT THE SHEET MUSIC!!!!!
17 May 2010 was a fantastic day for British art. Even if this was the only piece of British art created that day. And I think it was.
There's also the fact that the saxophone, whilst brilliantly realised, also looks a bit like a duck. It reflects something about the role of music, and of the instrument as an extension of the self.
LOOK HOW MUCH THE DUCK IS CONCENTRATING!
I'm underrated as an artist. I don't need no easel. Easels are easy. Easel Peasel.
True artists use MS Paint.
***
Todd Rundgren has just come up on shuffle on iTunes. I think it's probably a sign.
I'm not sure what it's a sign of. Probably that I own at least one Todd Rundgren track (I actually own two).
Oh. Now it's Dilated Peoples. I'm so cool and eclectic and diverse.
These updates probably aren't too interesting.
Dilated Peoples is like dilated pupils. Clever, right?
A bit like the pupils on a certain duck, possibly tripping on the drug that is music?
***
I'm going to go now, but first I should clear up a couple of things:
1) I'd be a rubbish hitman.
2) No matter what you hear, no matter what you've seen in this post today, no matter what the tabloids or internet conspiracy theorists would have you believe, I am NOT Banksy.
I'm not.
I'm just not.
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