A Confession

There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

The whole News of the World scandal has really brought discussion of journalistic ethics to the forefront of public debate. People are realising the levels of deception and criminality involved in putting together a tabloid newspaper.

But all forms of journalism deserve the same level of scrutiny. If a writer abuses your trust, it is a dereliction of duty. And if the ethics of one part of an organisation are suspect, everything else falls like a house of cards.

News International (a company already associated with domination, poor taste and lowest-common-denominator reporting) has found itself tainted by these hacking allegations. And its takeover of BSkyB is now in question.

It is in this current climate that I feel it necessary to come clean.

I certainly haven't committed any actions as objectionable as those emerging in this current scandals. But I have been dishonest.

I don't want to find myself tainted with the brush of deception. I hope you'll appreciate how difficult it is for me to do this, and will, if not forgive my transgressions, at least respect my decision to not continue the lies.

So I have to tell you that I have been involved in creating a layer of fiction.

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The truth is this: this blog has been produced not by a single individual, but by a team of writers for just over four years.

We've never explicitly claimed that this was the work of just one person, but we did realise that most people believed it to be the case.

Paul Fung is only the figurehead of a rotating group of writers, who take turns contributing articles to the Headscissors blog.

By writing in the first person, and implying a sense of continuity, we have all had a part in weaving this tapestry of fiction.

It must be said that a prolonged deception was never our intention.

When this blog started in 2007, it was an attempt to provide a platform for new writing talent; a breeding ground for the writers of tomorrow. For convenience's sake, it became easy to suggest that this was the work of one man - Paul "DiamondBadger" Fung - and as time went on, the lie became so deep that it was impossible to extricate ourselves from the falsehood.

This blog has cultivated a small, but loyal, readership. And it is to them, to you, that we offer our most sincere apologies.

DiamondBadger does not exist.

Paul Fung does not exist.

Our claims to depict events in his life are a complete fabrication. No-one has ever met him or interacted with him. His name was originally suggested as a joke, but it stuck.

The picture displayed on the blog's homepage is a file photo of a young Puerto Rican filmmaker.

This will probably make retroactive sense, now the truth is out. No one man could produce work of such quality so consistently for so long. It also explains the huge variation in writing style, punctuation, and levels of ability.

Occasionally, you may have noticed Headscissors blog entries of a seemingly infantile standard; entries that made no sense; or entries that were totally at odds with most people's perceptions of what writing should be. These were all produced by work experience people, and in some cases the children of the staff members.

Some of the anecdotes contained herein have been entirely invented. Some have been adapted from our real lives.

But despite this surface lie, we feel the tone and the integrity of this blog have been essentially truthful. We've held ourselves up to moral standards. Not high standards, admittedly. But standards nonetheless.

It is these standards that have causes us to finally stand up and admit that we were wrong.

We hope you don't take this as an irrevocable breach of trust, and that you will continue reading the work of people that have amused, informed and enchanted you for four years.

We are truly sorry.

To help mend these bridges, we'd like to introduce you to the current Headscissors writing team. There is a fairly high turnover of staff at this blog, as our members are often head-hunted and poached to write on other projects.

Past Headscissors writers include actress and comedian Miranda Hart, journalist and activist George Monbiot, television impressionist John Culshaw and current Secretary-General of the United Nations Ban Ki-moon (the latter is responsible for the much loved post on waffles).

Our current team are ambitious and creative, and are sure to go on to great things.

Head writer Gareth Davees

Gareth has been writing for Headscissors since August 2008. He brings with him a wealth of experience from his days as a PR executive of a major oil company. He also founded the improvised comedy troupe Laughter The Lord Mayor's Show which has performed in Bristol, Weston-super-Mare, and the Kingdom of Lesotho.

Gareth has a particular fondness for the posts where 'Paul' claims to be tired or miserable.

Nancy Kliff

A newcomer to the team, Nancy caught the team's eye with her snappy one-liners, convincing dialogue and devilish wordplay. This is Nancy's first writing job. She's training to be a zoo examiner.

Liam O'Phidian

Liam has a particular talent for the 'serious' blog posts that seem to claim a particular political or social world view. His incisive rhetoric and Will Self-esque verbal dexterity has earned him an honorary doctorate from Southampton Solent University. He is also a talented stand-up comedian, having recently been signed by a major agency under the stage-name Matt Richardson.

Jill Gill

Jill is an experienced television writer, having contributed to many soap operas including Eastenders, Doctors, Sons, Daughters, and Sons & Daughters. A writer from the beginning of Headscissors, she has taken on more of a supervisor's role, but still has time to produce to the odd gem, such as the famous 'live blog' entry).

Helena Mastersso

Helena does the book reviews, and her contract is currently up for renewal.

Olav Zukov

Researcher, maverick and author of the Frank55 series.

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We understand this transition will be a difficult one, and the spectre of 'Paul Fung' will remain for some time. But we hope that you'll forgive our trespasses and come to enjoy the new Headscissors team as we take this blog into its fifth year.

You, the reader, are what makes this all worthwhile. And with this new initiative of absolute honesty, we believe Headscissors will enter a new golden age.

Recent events have shown that people will not stand for questionable actions in their journalists. We believe that this is entirely correct.

Please join us on our walk of redemption. It should be an entertaining journey!

Yours,
"DiamondBadger" (The Headscissors Writing Staff)