4

I wanted to write something, but had nothing to write. Luckily I remembered something.

Four years ago today I began my most important work: this blog.

It has come to obsess me and define me. Everywhere I go, people refer to me as 'that guy who has that blog that he writes'.

The people I encounter aren't the most eloquent bunch, but they certainly are perceptive.

Four years ago was 2007. The year of the Eiderdown.

Since then, I've reminisced so often that to do so again would be anathema.

A big, fat athema.

I'm an entirely different person now. I killed the original Paul (let's not call him Paul α) in 2008. No-one noticed, even though he was Greek and had an iron foot.

No. No, of course not.

There's nothing too significant about a fourth anniversary. 50th is gold. 60th is diamond. I'm a long way off that.

You know what the 4th anniversary is? "Fruit and flowers".

Seriously.

I like fruit and flowers.

Please send me some fruit.

Please send me some flowers.

It's only right.

I'm going to toast myself tonight when no-one is looking. I might also toast some of the fruit.


It's not that fun being 4, THOMAS.

Words don't seem to be coming to me easily. I shall go now.

They've arranged a surprise party for me.

I assume.

This tuxedo cost me thousands of pounds. I hope it's in keeping with the dress code.