Shtories: Volume II

See here for Volume I

***

Cincinnati

"Ahahahahaha! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

Bryn mulled it over, and sheepishly put away his harmonica.

***

You Can Never Go Home Again

In a small town in the South-East, a basin sits.

A basin sits in a small town in the South-East.

Inside?

Insides.

The insides of an shady MP. He always had something to hide (said a woman from the local paper).

Not anymore. Everything was laid out, plain as the nose on his face in a bag on the floor.

***

Mystery at the House of Flying Nothing

The sun lit up the carriage, and everyone on board felt inclined to dance. Sandy, still clutching the sodden contract papers, lurched into a rhythmic shuffle.

The stern man twizzled his cane and bobbed his head.

By this time, the twins had woken up.

"Is this Castle Cary?" asked Daniel.

"Doesn't look like it," replied Nathaniel, peering through the smudgy window.

"Lighten up, you two!" barked Sandy. "It may not be Castle Cary, but it is Castle Funkay!"

She did the splits, as a Belgian stowaway looked on enviously from the luggage rack.

***

The Glorious Dead

I'd been working for four hours straight, when there was a knock at the hatch. I pushed it open.

It was Thingy Franklin from downstairs.

"Are you gonna be long?" he spat.

"Keep your hair on. Jeez..."

I walked over to the safe, as slow as I could, sighed, and drummed on the top of it. I knew the combination, but I pretended I'd forgotten 'cause it drove him crazy.

"Was it 3-4-9? Or.... hang on a minute..." I was really hamming it up.

"Jesus Christ, Olsen! What do they pay you for?!"

"Keep your hair on."

But then, all of a sudden, I really did forget the combination. I'd thought about it too much, I guess.

Thingy Franklin started ringing the bell like a maniac, as though I didn't know he was there.

I realised that it wasn't coming back to me, so I pretended there was a ghost in the office. Pretty lame, I know. But it seemed to convince him.

He left pretty sharpish, and didn't come back 'til the afternoon, by which time I'd been able to drill the hinges and open the damn thing.

***

Blissful Ignorance

Kim smelled a rat.