Chowdah!

I took part in the first round of a stand-up competition in London on Friday night. I spent so much time worrying about it, and so much time retrospectively percolating since, that I can't go into too much detail.

In short - I got through to the next round, but was disappointed with my performance. I felt like I rushed things a bit. Still, I'm very grateful for getting through, and it was good experience.

I will tell you about something we noticed on the Friday night, though. Throughout the day, the Chilcot Inquiry was going on. I'd followed it a bit in the morning.

In the long wait before performance time, we looked at a paper in the pub. One of the headlines made some reference to Blair and the 45-minute claim.

Lucy misread it as:

BLAIR EXPRESSES REGRET OVER 45 MINUTE CLAM

We wondered if there was a slow-cooker involved at any point.

We went on to speculate that he might have just refused to speak for 45 minutes, derailing the inquiry. He probably just pressed his lips together and refused to answer any questions.

(After 45 minutes, he probably realised he was being petty.)

Luckily we received an explanation for his behaviour later in the night. The pub TV, displaying news coverage, showed some (oh-so-valuable) views from the public. One viewer answered our queries by stating:

"EVERY TIME BLAIR OPENS HIS MOUTH, HE SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE FOOT."

So, that explains it.

You can't criticise Blair for that. He was doing what he thought was right: protecting the integrity of his feet with a well-placed clam operation.

There's probably some more involved satire to be done there, but I'm too tired for it now. Sorry.