'A' Fever

Nothing interesting has happened to me today. Which in itself is quite interesting. Most people would have had something interesting happen to them - even if it was only mildly interesting, like seeing a coin, or using a napkin to mop the brow of a friend who'd accidentally dipped their brow in acid.

So to have had NOTHING interesting happen is quite a rarity. So quite interesting. Which is a paradox. But not an interesting one.

Of course, I've set quite the standard for uninteresting days. For me, nothing happening is actually the norm. No not that interesting at all.

I have a cold.

I suppose that's interesting. I spend the majority of my time with my head not full of fluid. So this is like a holiday. Except I'm not wearing a hula skirt, just an expression of mild discomfort.

And a hula skirt.

Which reminds me of something that's been happening at work. This is an extremely interesting thing. Pretty spectacular. You might want to sit down or stand up, depending on your current perpendicularity (<-- a="a" br="br" can="can" chaise="chaise" if="if" judgement.="judgement." longue="longue" on="on" own="own" re="re" slumped="slumped" use="use" word="word" you="you" your="your">
 
Which reminds me (I'll get to the interesting thing at work in a bit - it's pretty amazing, and no I'm not building this up too much) my computer at home is being slow, even by its own standards. As I'm typing this, it's struggling to keep up. I keep finishing a sentence, and then having to wait for the letters to appear on screen, one at a time.

It's disconcerting. I can see my delayed ideas trickling into the world. As though my computer is saying "This is what you wrote- and it's stupid. You thought it would be good, but just look at it. Look at this word. Look at the next one. You're an embarrassment. But you can't change it. You've already pressed the keys."

Then I delete them, proving my slow computer wrong. Everything I've written here is carefully edited an chosen for maximum impact. I'm abdominally precis.

I need a new computer. The fan is still making loud noises. I can't abide a computer that's slower than I am. I might as well start using pencil and paper, and cry onto both.

Back to the interesting thing at work - brace yourself - ...

I've started capitalising the A in my name by accident.

PAul.

Interesting, right?

I do it all the time, and I don't know why. It's only just started happening. But I can't stop. PAul. PAul. PAul.

I can't imagine that my name (a word I've typed many times before) could all of a sudden be giving me problems. I blame my work keyboard. The shift button must be sticking.

I HAVE AN INTERESTING LIFE.

I have a cold. I think I mentioned that before.

It might be "man-flu".

I hate that expression. Man-flu.

(I just accidentally typed "man-glu" which is something else.)

Man-flu is one of those ideas that has become accepted as fact by society at large. Men complain more about colds! Women have colds all the time and don't complain! Ahahaha!

I think this idea is stupid. In my experience, the rate of complaints isn't dependent on gender, but on the individual. I know both men and women who complain a lot about illness, and both men and women who take it stoically. Man-flu is a myth. Everyone gets ill and deals with it differently.

I think it's a conspiracy to balance out the stupid gender generalisations that men have always maintained, like women being bad drivers or rubbish at Subbuteo.

I suppose it's only fair for them to have one of their own. They'd need a lot more to even get close to being even. But two wrongs don't make a right. And two stupidities don't make a clever.

(In a similar vein to "man-glu", my slow computer almost got me to write "like women being bad rivers".

That isn't a gender generalisation. I don't think it's a controversial idea. Women really are rubbish at performing the function of a river - housing fish, being composed entirely of water, eroding earth etc.)

So I hate the idea of "man-flu". I don't want to be seen as part of some ridiculous synchronicity of male whining.

The trouble is, I do tend to complain a lot. Which weakens my position. I'm groaning and whinging and snuffling all day long. But it's not because I have "man-flu". It's not because of the configuration of my genitals. It's just because I'm an idiot.

And idiocy is gender neutral.

Writing this has been the most interesting part of my day so far. Thanks for enjoying it with me. Now I'm going to snort some Lemsip powder and fantasise about buying a computer I can't afford.

Yours snufflingly,
PAul