Golden Omelette

Every day, do something that makes you proud.

It's a simple piece of wisdom. And by thinking of it, I've fulfilled today's quota.


Do something that makes you proud every day. 

That's not the same as my first statement. I've mixed things up syntactically. If there was a comma after the word 'proud', it would be the same.

[Every day, do something that makes you proud = Do something that makes you proud, every day]

But there's no comma in my second statement.

[Every day, do something that makes you proud ≠ Do something that makes you proud every day]

In my second statement, I'm trying to say that you should do something, and that one thing should make you proud every day. Like the goose who laid the golden eggs. Daily.

Actually, that's a bad example. Each egg is a different thing. That's more like my first statement: every day the goose is proud of a distinct egg.

I suppose a more fitting analogy would be the goose that laid the golden eggs, but wasn't so much proud of each individual golden egg, as proud of its own capacity to produce golden eggs. The capacity is just one thing. And it makes the goose proud every day. Because of all the eggs.

Can a goose feel pride? It doesn't matter. Analogies don't need to be based in reality. If they were, they wouldn't be analogies. They'd just be reportage. Goose reportage.

I'm proud of almost all of the sentences in this blog post so far, especially the bit with the ≠ symbol. They should keep me stocked up for a couple of weeks. I like to get all of my pride done at once, then I can coast.

Do something that makes you proud, every day, on average. Like the goose who laid thirty-one golden eggs in one day and had the rest of March off.

***

I don't want to offend people, so whenever I see them, I tell them that they don't look tired.

"You're not looking very tired this morning!" I say, as they take off their coat and hang it on the coat rack.

"Thank you," they always say.

Or, sometimes, "why should I look tired?"

To which I reply with the following. "You don't look tired."

"Yeah, but why should I?"

"You don't look tired."

"No, I know. But..."

"You don't look tired."

"Stop! Stop saying that," they tend to say at this point. "If I don't look tired, why even bring it up?"

"There's no 'if' about it," I say. "You definitely don't look tired."

"I'm not tired."

"And you look it," I say. "Not tired, I mean."

Then Amanda (and it is always Amanda that I say it to), gets out a little make-up mirror and checks to make sure that she doesn't look tired.

In fact, I tell her she doesn't look tired even when she does look tired, just to be polite. I'm considerate.

Her self-esteem is through the roof. 

"You don't look tired. You don't."

She likes working at the desk next to mine. I can tell.