Reputation Building

I performed stand-up comedy on Saturday night. And what a performance it was. There I was, in a venue, speaking words, making sense, wearing a shirt. You should have been there.

Lucy and I arrived late, because our bus was late, so we missed our train, and then the tube wasn't running, and then it was a leap year.

The gig was very nice and relaxed. The audience were appreciative and very willing to offer ideas, interjections, suggestions, yawns, and other feedback. That sounds sarcastic, but they actually were very nice. They were at just the right level of participation: equidistant between silence and throwing stools.

It gave me the chance to offer up some improvised zingers (5%) and some endearing floundering (95%). It was a lot of fun. I did almost all new material, and it seemed to go down quite well.

On the way home, we got some food at Burger King. I haven't been to Burger King for many, many years. I got a burger that was 'bread-meat-meat-meat-cheese-bread'. I think it was a bit much for me. You can't suddenly leap back into fast food without having prepared. My body struggled to deal with the salt. I spent the rest of the night considering regicide.

You'd think the amount of Domino's pizza I eat would have prepared me. But I think the lack of vegetables threw me. With a pizza, you get the wholesome nutrition of that red sauce, which acts as a palate cleanser. And crispy onions are essentially a sorbet.

Next time I'll go for a 'bread-meat-meat-meat-cheese-limp lettuce-brown tomato-bread' option. That's proper balance.

I don't know why I list my burger components from bottom to top. You'd think it would be the other way round. Top to bottom, like reading Chinese. I suppose I'm thinking of them as building instructions. You start at the bottom. Build the foundation. Then gradually pile things up. I've always been architecturally minded. That's why I put a tiny french fry fire escape on the side of every burger: SAFETY FIRST.

***

I ordered some shoes online yesterday. It's the biggest risk I've ever taken. Even bigger than when I went to Atlantic City and bet all of my chips on rack at the roulette wheel.

"Everything on rack!" I said.

"Rack isn't a colour, sir," said the casino employee (though he was American, so there was no 'u' in colour).

"I'm on a roll," I said. "I can feel it! Luck is on my side. Everything on rack!"

"Again, sir, there is no rack. There's red and there's black. Also, you don't need to tell me what you're doing. Just put your chips on the..."

"I feel it in the water! Here," I said to a passing woman, "kiss my chips for good luck. Not that I need it!"

"We all know where this humorous situation is going," said the casino employee (though he was American, so he... oh wait humorous doesn't have an initial 'u' in it anyway? what about humour though huh wtf?).

"Do we?" I said.

"Well not exactly. But roughly. It's not going to be worth it."

"Fine."

Then something interesting happened. The end.

***

I might be a bit burnt out.

Leave me in a dark room for eight months. When I come out, I'll be as good as squinting new.