I Didn't Delete This

I'm feeling melancholy.

Sometimes I think about the short preview of this post that will appear on Facebook. Hello Facebook people! If you don't want to click on this, I fully understand.

Who would look at a blog extract that begins 'I'm feeling melancholy', and decide to click on it? An idiot, that's who.

Hello idiots!

Nothing captures the attention more than a proclamation of melancholy.

The word itself suggests dynamism, biting political comment and laugh-out-loud funny material from beginning to end.

"Oh really, Paul? You're feeling melancholy? That's fascinating. I'm sure this won't be whiny and indulgent. Hey, are you feeling melancholy as an adjective or a noun? We're all dying to know."

I'm listening to melancholy music, just to hammer it home. Not the Smashing Pumpkins though. That's spelled differently. The trouble is, I'm listening to my iTunes library on shuffle, as I don't want too much melancholy from the same source. I like to have wistful sadness from a wide variety of receptacles, one sup from a flask of regret, then a slurp from a curly-straw of existential angst.

But not every track I have is melancholy. Melancholy is probably only around 30% of my music catalogue.

The track playing now is called Lie to Kick It by 2Pac.

Its lyrical content was disheartening, but not exactly melancholy.

I just wrote a hilarious annotation of the lyrics but have decided to delete it as the horrible misogyny of the lyrics was only matched by the horrible condescension of my analysis.

It did contain a good joke about Jordan's Country Crisp, but those are ten-a-penny on the stand-up scene.

The next song was The Guests by Leonard Cohen.

Much better.

I've lost the momentum of this post now.

That's right: momentum.

Backwards momentum is still momentum.

Maybe I should do a hilarious analysis of the Cohen lyrics instead. I think that won't be quite as good. There won't be any opportunity for jokes about Jordan's Country Crisp.

(I wonder if I'll get offered some free Jordan's Country Crisp if I continue to mention them. Like I did with Rombouts coffee.)

How about a lyrical mash-up? That sounds like fun. It will probably be poetic and beautiful. Try to guess which parts are from which song.

It will be like a game.

A fun game.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you

Guests Lie To Kick It
by
Tupac Shakur and Leonard Cohen

One by one, the guests arrive
You ain't got to lie to kick it
The guests are coming through
To them tricks and them bitches
The open-hearted many
Out to get a nigga's riches
The broken-hearted few
You ain't got to lie to kick it

But you's an old basehead kickin' too much hype
And all go stumbling through that house
yo bicentennial pipe it got rally stripes
in lonely secrecy
And if they knew yo identity
Saying "Do reveal yourself"
you'd probably be the victim of a sticking (ugh ugh)
or "Why has thou forsaken me?"

And those who dance, begin to dance

I did more of this, but it was too long and not good enough. These were the highlights. (Interestingly, Cohen wrote the the first 'ugh', and 2Pac the second. Interesting and a lie.)

This post has had too many false starts (not to mention false middles). All I need now is a false ending.

Goodnight everybody!

***

Psst.

I'm still here.

I should go to sleep now. I've gone down so many blind alleys, I've developed a form of sonar. Misleading sonar. I just keep clicking until I get reprimanded by a dolphin.

Even my atoms feel tired. I can't imagine ever not being overwhelmed by everything in the world. I might build myself a special helmet that doesn't let in any events, lights or radio broadcasts, and I can live in the dark.

With an itchy chin-strap, just so I don't forget where I came from.