Oh. You do.
What is it? I'm waiting.
"Lickety split"?
Yeah, I suppose that is stupid.
"Someone fetch the Fire Brigade"?
Well, that's not really stupid. It's practical. If there's a fire.
"An outlaw for an onion"?
That's not even an expression.
"Is it..."
-no you've had your guesses.
The answer is:
"soul-destroying".
(This post is an ongoing experiment into mangling grammar, structure and punctuation. I'm torturing Lynne Truss right now. In my basement. She's all trussed up. I thought she'd appreciate the irony, but she claimed it strictly-speaking wasn't irony, the stupid bleeding pedant.)
Soul-destroying is a stupid phrase. It's generally used to express mild disappointment. It's literally using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. (How do like that, Truss? Huh?)
I imagine it's part of an escalation of emotional allegory.
Disappointing things used to be 'disappointing'.
Then 'a bit of a shame'.
Then 'disheartening' or 'dispiriting'.
Then 'devastating'.
That was far enough. Devastating. Are you devastated? Really? When you found out how much your gas bill was, you were devastated? You were lain waste to by Npower?
But soon, it started to lose its meaning. If you hear something enough times it becomes the norm. People started to get devastated if they missed a bus. Or confused a wasp for a hover-fly. Or were going to sneeze, but got distracted by that weatherman that looks like Jeremy Irons.
"Oh, I've had such a hard day! I was walking into town, and I saw a traffic sign that had hay on it. I was devastated."
So some bright spark thought that they had to up the ante. By following the path of not just hyperbole, but linguistically-clumsy hyperbole (right, Lynne?).
Soul-destroying.
Not soul-killing, which is ridiculous, but at least sounds good. Soul-destroying. That horrible 'oy' sound. It's really quite dispiriting.
I have a problem with both the execution and the sentiment. I have never been in a situation that I deemed soul-destroying.
I've been upset and depressed. I've watched the film Threads on several occasions. But I've never felt soul-destroyed.
I was made to think about this by an article in Chortle about a young comedian who felt his material was being stolen by Jack Whitehall.
Is that right, Stuart? It's soul-destroying to see someone else do a similar version of your joke?
Your soul was destroyed by that? The metaphysical emblem of your very essence was rendered in twain? Your essence was annihilated? Everything that makes you you was obliterated on Mock the Week, was it?
I think that might be an exaggeration.
Soul-destroying... For Christ's sake.
Jack Whitehall doesn't even have access to his own soul, let alone yours.
I've done a quick Twitter search, just to see some of the reasons for the extinction of the spiritual self.
@LeeCash:
Croats can't make coffee. This is a bizarre & soul-destroying fact.
@FintyWalsh:
Sight-reading is possibly the most soul-destroying thing ever. I do it and feel like shit. Like actual shit.
@puregallus:
Rushed to my phone as my @ reply tone went off only to find it was a message from a bot. How utterly soul destroying.
@KateFlorence103:
Trying to get Glasto tickets is fricken soul destroying. Grrrrrrrr
and finally:
@Stehal77:
Arrrrrgghhh why do #kfc NEVER have any fuckin gravy??!! It's soul destroying
Insert your own sarcastic responses in between those.
Reading all that has... not destroyed my soul exactly. But ruffled it a little.
***
I'd just like to say that the irritation in the above post was for comic effect. I love Stuart Mitchell. I love Stehal77. I love new and inventive forms of language. I love passionate commitment.
I love gravy.
And I hate Lynne Truss.
Isn't that ri....
Oh no. She's escaped.
Looks like she picked the lock with a semi-colon, and climbed to freedom up a ladder made of self-righteousness.
Youll get you'res, Truss.
We's winnin da warrrr!!111!!LOLZOMG
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