The First Date

"Tftht. Tttth. Pftt."

"Graham? What's wrong?" asked Betty.

"I have a hare in my mouth," he said.

"I'm sorry - what? I can't hear you. You appear to have a rabbit in your mouth."

He pulled out the hare with tweezers. It was damp from saliva, and the fur was all matted. "A hare, actually," he said.

"Oh." Betty felt slightly sick.

The hare bounded away.

"I tried to close my mouth," said Graham. "But he was too quick for me."

"Oh."

"Hares are much faster than tortoises. Despite what that idiot Aesop says."

"Right." Betty yawned.

"The tortoise didn't even get past my lapels before I saw him coming."

"I see..."

"He was using grappling hooks."

"Yeah."

"Admirable, I suppose... But still slow."

Betty looked at her watch. She wasn't wearing it.

She never wore it. It was too expensive, she said. Instead, she kept it in a cabinet at home, constantly filmed by a webcam. The video was displayed on a small screen attached to her wrist, so she could see what time it was.

It was ten past five.

(It wasn't ten past five - it was twelve o'clock.

The watch had stopped weeks ago, but she hadn't noticed.)

"Look, I'd better go," she said. "It's ten past five".

(It wasn't ten past five)

She wandered off down the hill. Graham seemed to be raising an objection, but his words were inaudible - muffled by the tortoise and climbing equipment lodged in his throat.