Birds

I'm feeling chipper today.

(Chipper is my pet chipmunk. And, try as hard as they can, the RSPCA can't do a damn thing about it)

I've devised a new character. I don't know if other people devise characters.

Probably not, unless they are a writer of some sort. Most office-workers don't devise characters. They would think it was an odd thing to do.

But I have a cast of characters that would make Dostoyevsky blanch at the sheer scale of it all. You may remember these colourful people from previous blog entries:

Ging Gu
Freddy Lee Accessible
Chocolate Keith
Paddy O'Paque
Humperdink the Asthmatic Hedgehog
Ruby Hammer
Jack Thunderpunch
The Hippocratic Oaf

Here's a new addition to this rogue's gallery:

The Metropelican

A streetwise bird with a big mouth! He carries a sceptre that looks like one of those poles by pelican crossings (with the flashing orange orb on the top). He can use it to stop time.

He might have a dim-witted sidekick who lives in his beak, but I'm undecided on that.

He should be trying painfully hard to be cool, and failing. Like Rude Dog, or Poochie from Itchy and Scratchy.

***

Once again, I've stumbled across my innate gender bias. Why would the Metropelican have to be male? I never considered making him female. Male seems to be my default gender, which is a real shame.

What's more, making the Metropelican female seems to change the character a lot. As a female, I picture her as a Paris Hilton-style vacant socialite. Which is certainly an offensive idea on many levels.

Well, I'm making a stand. The Metropelican is female. But not a superficial girly-girl. She is just an annoying ubercool stereotype. And she can still have a dim-witted sidekick (also female - I don't want this to turn into an anti-male show either).

I think an important part of the fight against gender stereotypes is having the confidence to make members of minorities really annoying.

I think that's what Larry David does in Curb Your Enthusiasm. He makes the blind guy, or the wheelchair guy, act like an arrogant idiot. It's a good counterpoint to the patronising representation of minorities as angelic and inoffensive, like cute woodland creatures.

We want them to be part of the world, not some untouchable class of Make-a-Wish charity cases.

I understand why it happens - people try to counter negative stereotypes with equally implausible positive ones. But in doing so, it seems to neuter them. Presenting a simplistic positive view of the disabled is better than a simplistic negative one, but it's better to have a proper idea of the richness and complexity of each person and each group.

I don't know if 'neutering' is explicitly male. I hope not. I get annoyed by the notion that 'having balls' equates with courage. People are encouraged to 'man up' or 'grow a set', as though the testicles were the home of the brave (rather than the USA, I suppose).

I might start counterbalancing this by praising peoples' bravery with different terminology.

"You shoulda seen the ovaries on this guy! He never backed down!"

"Man, you gotta have some serious womb to go swimming with sharks. Serious womb."

"What are you, some kinda wimp? Grow a vag and be a woman about it!"

I'm trying my best.

***

For a second, the idea of Paris Hilton, playing herself, as a inter-dimensional warrior sounded like a good idea. Then I realised it would be like a poorly-acted rip-off of Buffy.

***

So, there it is.

The Metropelican: coming soon to a television or book or website near you.

It's an exciting blend of wordplay, science-fiction, gender politics, and multi-layered cultural satire. The kids will love it!