I'm Thirty-One Years Old

I bought a PlayStation 4 on Tuesday.

"But, Paul," I hear you say, "how can you afford to buy a PlayStation 4?"

The answer is simple: I can't.

I had some money left over from Christmas, but even so, it was a ridiculous thing to do. It might be the most expensive item I've ever bought (except for a flat, but that doesn't count). I can't afford this kind of lifestyle. I have one pair of jeans, one pair of shoes and I never leave the house.

I'm an idiot.

It's not even that I desperately wanted to play some of the launch titles. I just wanted a console, and thought that I'd be better off getting the newest one. That way, I won't have to buy another one until, like, the YBox comes out.

I got a bundle with LEGO Marvel Superheroes, which is lots of fun; FIFA 14, which is always entertaining; and some first-person shooter that I haven't even tried playing yet. It has some generic name like Shoot Soldier or Battlegun: The Reckoning or Stealth Bullet or Gloom Eagle: The Bang Protocols or Fight Squadron Epsilon or Killdrop Minechopper or Band of Pricks or Rifle Corps Trauma Desperado Mission Evolution Black Ops Engine Apocalypse Nightmare VII: A Bomb.

I'll try that at the weekend.

The bundle also came with some accessories, one of which is a headset. I understand you can use it to argue with 13-year-old American homophobes online, which will be lovely.

I have a feeling it's going to eat into a lot of my time, though. So I'm going to stop showering.

***

Oh man, I'm going to eat an apple now!

I've finished the apple. It was nothing special.

I've taken Monday off work. The reason is that I'm tired, and could use a longer break.

The real reason is that I'm planning to stay up until 4am watching a rubbish live stream of the 2014 WWE Royal Rumble.

That's a big wrestling match. I like the Royal Rumble. It has thirty wrestlers in it, entering at intervals, trying to throw each other over the top ring rope. The match has its own particular quirks and rhythms, like a jazz improvisation.

I have most of them on DVD or Blu-ray, so I'm something of an expert.

The best Royal Rumbles have a number of interwoven mini-stories that can instigate, continue or conclude any number of feuds. Sometimes, there will be a snake involved. Sometimes, someone will be thrown out and come back in. Sometimes one of the wrestlers will appear three times in three different identities. Sometimes one of the wrestlers will be Drew Carey. Sometimes someone will get hit in the face with a stick.

It's really rather magical.

I don't watch much wrestling these days, so the Royal Rumble is a unique chance for me to stay up late, drink instant coffee and be disappointed by everything that happens.

Then, on Monday, I can sleep.

Except I can't sleep, because I need to progress to the next stage of Killdrop Minechopper, put on my headset and swear at a foreign boy.

AND I'm going to a football match tomorrow.

My life is all go, go, apple, go.