Eighty-Five

I only wrote 85 blog posts in 2013. Shocking. At this rate, I'll soon be writing fewer blog posts each year than I have legs.

Of course, quantity isn't important. It's that other one; the other 'q'. I can't remember what it is. Quastity? Yeah. I think that's it.

I start every year like this.

Hey, I've written the word 'quastity' before! I really am just repeating myself.

I should just post URLs for every new entry, referring people to past occasions when I've felt similar. I bet I can do more than 85 in a year.

***

I've tried to think of some original content, but have failed. So, instead, here's a list of 85 things that I intend to do at least 85 times this year:

1) Shave
2) Sneeze
3) Make cereal
4) Use Google maps
5) Laugh
6) Sing
7) Yawn
8) Smile
9) Eat pasta
10) Do a decent impression of a celebrity
11) Ignore a text
12) Wait for the green man at a pelican crossing
13) Stub my toe on a coffee table
14) Put on left sock
15) Put on right sock
16) Take off left sock
17) Wash up a colander
18) Answer the phone
19) Think about getting my hair cut
20) Give a tiny amount to charity
21) Type my name
22) Listen to Jeff Stelling inhale before asking a question
23) Dance
24) Shiver
25) Dream
26) Swear
27) Scroll down my Tumblr feed
28) Swallow
29) Whine
30) Drink tea
31) Lose a game of FreeCell
32) Ask where my keys are
33) Wince
34) Take off right sock
35) Fume
36) Sigh
37) Lounge
38) Limp
39) Play a bad version of Blackbird on the guitar
40) Correct someone's grammar
41) Drink milk
42) Shampoo
43) Wave
44) Stir
45) Clench my fist
46) Put on my coat
47) Make a self-deprecating remark
48) Turn off my alarm
49) Politely agree with something
50) Think about death
51) Doodle an eye
52) Attend a meeting
53) Cough
54) Abandon a blog post half-way through
55) Tweet about myself
56) Read an AV Club article that I'm not all that interested in
57) Look for a heron
58) Walk over a cattle grid
59) Panic
60) Check my pockets
61) Buy porridge
62) Lean
63) Crouch
64) Make unrealistic plans
65) Send an email to a woman
66) Go back to sleep
67) Forget someone's name
68) Insult someone on the TV
69) Check Facebook
70) Smile at a dog
71) Stumble over my words
72) Read a comic with She-Hulk in it
73) Go to the Co-Op
74) Make a suggestion
75) Do a Scottish accent
76) Grin
77) Make a terrible pun
78) Nod
79) Tidy up
80) Give an ironic thumbs up
81) Give someone the gist of something
82) Bluff
83) Open curtains
84) Salute
85) Smell popcorn

Boy. 85 is a lot more things that you'd think.

The list would have been much, much easier if I didn't insist on listing things that I might actually do 85 times.

I could have come up with 85 hilarious, surreal, comedic items that would have been fun to write and even more fun to read!

But I stuck to my 85 tedious guns.

I'm not going to proofread them. There may be duplicates on the list. We'll never know.

Still, at least I know what to do for the next entry:

85 things that I intend to do at least 85 times this year (but not really)

And from there, I can take it in any number of directions. Literally any number.