Every Now And Then

There comes a time in every man's life when he must decide on which side of an arbitrary line he will stand.

That time may also come in every woman's life. I don't know. I feel more confident making sweeping generalisations about billions of strangers if they possess similar genitals to me.

We must all chose a side, even if both sides are wrong about everything and neither of them have a fashionable uniform.

From a young age, I found myself subconsciously, but fundamentally, aligned with one of a pair of opposites.

I always preferred life to death; BBC to ITV; Coke to Pepsi; WWF to WCW; Marvel to DC; Skinner to Baddiel; Nintendo to Sega; Labour to Conservatives; The Beatles to The Stones; dialecticalism to common sense.

These preferences seemed to be instinctual - I had a genetic predilection to lean to a particular side. Scientists have yet to discover the Pepsi gene, but if they do, I almost certainly don't have it. (Pepsi tastes like ham)

Of course, what my preferences really show is that I'm middle class. All of my choices are those of the middle class (except perhaps Skinner over Baddiel - but to be honest, I can't imagine anyone choosing Baddiel).

The trouble is that, as you grow up, these instinctive distinctions (instinctions?) become less obvious. Lines blur, society becomes more complicated, you start eating olives and your armoury of allegiance collapses like a house of card-armour.

It's disconcerting. Shades of grey are considered a sign of cowardice by the world at large. Cowardice is usually seen as a yellow streak - but at least yellow is a strong and unequivocal colour. There's a certain bravery in proudly waving the yellow flag of the wimp, the chicken's head coat-of-arms rippling from a fearful shiver.

Grey is distrusted as a colour. That's why we hate the elderly and Eeyore. That's why Earl Grey is the least respected of all teas. The Americans tried to bolster the colour by replacing the weedy 'e' with a stronger, brasher 'a'. But it couldn't stop the rot. Gray or grey, no-one would dye their moustache that colour.

So the world is complex, but complexity is viewed with suspicion. You must choose your side. That arbitrary line is calling, imploring you to make up your mind. Even though the line is twisting and twirling and curling, like a piece of overcooked spaghetti on the underside of a roller coaster.

And I find it difficult to choose.

Some things are clearly wrong and right. It's objectively wrong to torture people. It's objectively wrong to prefer pears to apples. It's objectively wrong to like, watch, or be Piers Morgan. But some things aren't as clear.

I think the main problem is that I started this blog post by talking about an arbitrary line, but didn't really have any idea what I was going to talk about. I still don't.

This would be the time where I get to the meat of my discussion. I should have a specific dilemma to relate. I should talk about the stress of having to decide on something that is nebulous and intricate.

But I don't have a specific example. I don't even really know what I'm talking about. I just thought I'd start writing, and something coherent might emerge.

I could have kept on trying. But I like to be honest with my reader(s)(?). Talking to you is like talking to myself. It's exactly like that.

There probably are issues that I find difficult - where I'm reluctant to choose sides. But it's Sunday. It's supposed to be a day of rest, even from following your ideas through to their conclusions.

Think of this post as a "build your own interesting train of thought" kit. There are probably enough little seeds of ponderousness to grow your own incisive take on modern life. You'll need to use some of your own thoughts and examples as fertiliser, and make sure to keep it out of direct sunlight. A wry eye is easily blinded.

Also, you might want to mix some metaphors. You can use a pestle and mortar.

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Happy Sunday Everyone! Let's all listen to this short Scott Walker song. (This video was filmed in a car park!) It's impossible to not feel upbeat listening to this. I'm happy to forego the grey and the gray on this issue. It's black and white. Impossible.