Creating a Buzz

I need to go to bed soon. But there's not enough time to get stuck into anything (such as a DVD, a book, or some body-hair topiary), so I'll try to continue my good blog week.

By which I mean I've written two blogs in two days, not that the blogs have been particularly good. Though of course, they have been.

You might be unaware of my prolificacy though, as my last post didn't show up on my Facebook page. I did some investigation with the blog application I use. It told me the following:


I didn't think my last post was particularly abusive. Unless Neneh Cherry complained.

Has one of my Facebook friends flagged me as spammy?

I don't want to be spammy. No-one wants to be spammy. Even spam would rather not be spammy. Spammishness is the quality that spam most wants to distance itself from.

It says to let them know if this is an error.

But is it? I don't know. Someone might have justifiably blocked my message. Maybe I am spammy.

Will this entry be posted on Facebook?

I don't know.

I just don't know.

But the question has certainly built a lot of tension for next time, I'm sure.

Of course, you may not be on Facebook. Or you may just not be friends with me on Facebook.

How many readers do I have that I don't know? Surely not that many.

It's hard to believe, as I'm really, really good at this. Really good.

Just really good.

I'm like the comedian Daniel Kitson. He deliberately tries to keep his audience small by avoiding marketing, handpicking particular venues at particular times, and producing obscure works.

Except in his case, it was a response to having an increasingly large audience that he felt disconnected from.

I've cut out the middle man by avoiding accumulating any fans in the first place. That's the ultimate expression of the outsider.

You can't be a true individual spirit if more than twenty people know your name.

So if you are reading this (and, quite clearly, you are), you are one of a select few. Perhaps a literal few.

It's the same with Twitter. I have 129 followers.

That's pretty much the same number as anyone would have, if they've been on Twitter for as long as I have. It may seem like a lot, but my 'followers' are generally automatic company bots that have responded to my use of a certain word.

I used the word 'motorbike', so am now followed by @WebikeJapan.

I used the word 'guitar', so am now followed by @I_love_guitars

I used the word 'ethnic', and within seconds I was followed by both @EthnicDenise and @EthnicMeryl. I don't know how to react to that.

So how many of my followers are real people? I would guess maybe 30. At the most.

Which is still great.

The only problem is: I'm really great on Twitter. I mean, just superb. I'm funny, insightful, uh... funny.

Just really good.

My tweets deserve a bigger audience. Everyone would love me. My tweets alone could probably get me a TV deal or at the very least a constant stream of congratulations and admiration.

But the people don't hear my words. Now I know how Jesus felt.

Except he had (and still does have) quite a big audience. If Jesus was on Twitter, he'd have more followers than me. Almost certainly.

I'm more like Beesus. That's a Jesus-figure made of bees.

No-one would listen to Beesus as he was just bees, and therefore unable to perform any miracles that didn't involve buzzing or stinging things. He could turn water into honey, but that was of limited use. In Nazareth.

But I'm glad that I only have 129 followers. Really glad.

Daniel Kitson isn't on Twitter, but he'd hate to have more than about three followers.

And he'd insist that they never contact him or look at his profile photo. And if anyone said that they liked him, Kitson would immediately block them, accusing them of being a sheep and hindering his creative musings.

I'm not saying I am Daniel Kitson. That's for others to say.

But if I had more than 129 followers, I'd be betraying myself and my ones of fans.

Success is the enemy of the artist.

Some clever woman said that once, but no-one know who she was because she died an unknown.

As we all should.


***

[I'm sorry, but why are there two ethnically-themed women that follow people automatically? Why do they have such odd names? @EthnicLaura would be fine, but @EthnicMeryl?!

Just had to get that off my chest...]

***

I think we can call this post a triumph.

I've been arrogant, complained about having a small audience, compared myself to Jesus and Daniel Kitson (the former being blasphemous, and the latter relating to a person hardly anyone has heard of) and proclaimed a desire to die an unknown.

I wonder why I don't have more readers...

There's a button below this sentence that says Publish Post, and I'm going to press it knowing I've done a good night's work.