Oh dear. I've missed this blog's first birthday. I've officially been writing here for more than a year.
I suppose I would have had to go pretty far to match the ostentatiousness of my 100th Post Special, but it would have been nice to commemorate it with a slice of virtual cake or something.
Although I ignored this milestone, I'm quite proud of myself for sticking with it for this long. My first post started with a pessimistic title, but I've managed to keep going. Usually with diaries and the like, I get bored after the second entry.
Hopefully crossing the one year line will spur me on to write more, as I've had a bit of a post-drought as of late. For now, I'll just wish Headscissors a belated birthday (which is the correct terminology).
Hey I wonder how many times I can link to old entries! I would say that I'm getting self-indulgent, but writing that on a blog seems a bit tautologous.
***
Nothing much has happened lately. As I mentioned before, I've been playing Resident Evil 4, which I'm pleased to say has maintained the high level of ridiculous dialogue from all the earlier games.
We watched The Apartment on DVD, which is excellent. It's incredibly well written, and looks great. I'd love to be able to write something so precisely constructed. All the call-backs and repetition remind me of The Big Lebowski, and that's a good thing!
We also watched the second Futurama DVD movie: The Beast with a Billion Backs. I thought it was even better than Bender's Big Score. There was loads of good stuff there, including David Cross being funny, lots of disgusting sound effects, some amazing animation, and an alien zebra that made me laugh for about twenty minutes.
***
The preceding three paragraphs were almost entirely lacking in interesting content. So to rectify the matter, I'll give you a taste of some more of my email correspondence with Lucy. Although I don't know if it's interesting, so much as it is insane.
From: FUNG, Paul
Sent: 03 July 2008 16:15
To: STONE, Lucy
Subject: Sanguinary
I think it's time we started a new email thread. The other was becoming unwieldy.
Yes, sanguinary is a good word. You should use it in conversation.
From: STONE, Lucy
Sent: 03 July 2008 16:18
To: FUNG, Paul
Subject: RE: Sanguinary
It's also used as a 'jocular' euphemism for bloody, frequently when aristocrats are reporting the speech of the vulgar: he said' sanguinary hell', and I laughed in the fellow's plebeian face.
Stupid aristocracy. That's how the upper-classes deal with guilt, by leaping into it, or spreading it all over their bodies, like Hedonism-Bot, and getting a servant to lick it off.
Off with their heads, is what I say!
***
From: STONE, Lucy
Sent: 08 July 2008 16:16
To: FUNG, Paul
Subject: RE: Sanguinary
I'm balancing my pen point upwards on the table, and thinking about falling forwards on to it. Admittedly, it would only get me in the eye, because I'm not very high up, and it probably wouldn't hurt too much, because biros - especially these ones - are not very sharp. Still.
That would show 'em.
From: FUNG, Paul
Sent: 08 July 2008 16:22
To: STONE, Lucy
Subject: RE: Sanguinary
I think it would hurt. It would probably slip and get you in the cheek or something. I have a stressball on my desk.
I might fall forwards onto that. It would be more comfortable.
It would be good if stressballs were made up of the inflamed testicles of 80s stock brokers. Their stress was stored in their balls after cocaine had made their physiology all cuckoo. When the eighties ended, the founder of the stressball company (StressCo) travelled round insane asylums, harvesting their swollen, squishy seed-hubs.
The government gave permission, beacuse they felt that in the long run, a reduction of stress would prevent the breakdowns of the 80s from ever happening again.
Everytime you squeeze a stressball, the monster of 80s Reaganaut capitalism in driven back into the shadows, and Margaret Thatcher slightly, just slightly, loses her erection.
From: STONE, Lucy
Sent: 08 July 2008 16:24
To: FUNG, Paul
Subject: RE: Sanguinary
So when all those eighties executives were saying that their bosses had them by the balls, they were really seeing a vision of the future.
That's cool.
From: FUNG, Paul
Sent: 08 July 2008 16:30
To: STONE, Lucy
Subject: RE: Sanguinary
That's right. Once again, their coke-riddled neuropouches were all akimbo with the rest of time and space.
In fact, if you pay close attention, the recurring motif of balls is more and more apparent.
"I've got the balls to succeed!"
"My approach is balls-to-the-wall!"
"This sucker is playing hardball!"
"I got balled out by the boss, but he can suck my balls, because I was having a ball the whole time, and he can just go bawl to his momma, and anyway, who wants to go see that movie - Spaceballs? Balls.
Balls.
Balls.
Balls."
All hail the corporate cunts and their spherical prescience.
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