Plug

I'm sorry for not posting here for a while. My life has been taken up with work and Euro 2008.

The trouble with major football tournaments is they take over my life. Almost all my spare time is taken up with watching every possible game. I have nothing else. There's just enough time to shower and sleep. Apart from that, it's just work and football.

I could ignore some games. The boring ones. But in the back of my mind, I'm always worried I'll miss something incredible. I don't want to look back in fifty years' time knowing I could have watched the match which ended with a pixie invasion, or seen David Trezeguet spontaneously combust, but instead I was out at a garden centre.

I don't even have a garden!

***

Whenever I have no ideas, I can resort to sharing amusing emails. Lucy did it on her blog, so I shall reciprocate.

Obsoive:


From: STONE, Lucy
Sent: 05 June 2008 10:27
To: FUNG, Paul
Subject: RE: Coulrophobia

Hey Mr Fung,

What up? I'm having cake in the etym area at 11 - it seems they have not forgotten about me, which I'm glad about because a) cake and b) I'm in that desk overlooking the etym area again, and if they started having cake without me, I would be deplorably conspicuous! On the down-side a) scary talking and socialising, b) no, there's no b), scary talking and socialising is more than enough of a down-side for me. Still, I have, weighing all the options, made the right choice. Only fate can validate it but, I think, given my knowledge of myself and others, I've made the most reasonable decision I could be expected to. My neurotic stream-of-consciousness if like a darker version of Bridget Jones'. Still, she was beloved by millions. Maybe I can be some kind of cute national pet. The neurotic mascot of the English. I could read my monologues at football matches.

From: FUNG, Paul
Sent: 05 June 2008 10:39
To: STONE, Lucy
Subject: RE: Coulrophobia
You are an entertaining read. Like Mike Read. But entertaining.

My favourite bit was " which I'm glad about because a) cake" - the fact you didn't say "there will be cake" makes it that much funnier.

I was thinking of list variations you could have done. I quite like: 'a) scary talking and socialising, b): a)'. Does that make sense written down? It works in my head.

I haven't got much work to do - at least none that I want to do. I think it's going to be a long one.

As the actress said to the bishop.

Quite what the actress was doing talking to the bishop, one can only guess. Perhaps she was having a crisis of faith. Perhaps she was considering leaving a life in showbiz to become a nun. But surely she should be speaking to someone a bit further down the pecking order. Chain of command is important - Daniels taught us that. She should have spoken to a priest or someone first. Unless she was a really famous actress, like Audrey Hepburn. I bet old Heppo (as she was known) had the ear of many a bishop. The trouble with bishop-ear is it's all filled with wax and ignorance.

Someone should do a 'pecking order' sketch. Loads of woodpeckers in a row, pecking one by one, but one goes a bit early, and they all shake their heads disapprovingly.

I could write comedy that starts with one paragraph, and just spreads outward with different ideas for various words, phrases and scenarios. It would be like a spider diagram.