I'm wondering how to increase the readership of my blog. I'd like more people to see this, but I'm not much of a self-promoter.
I'm also a little embarrassed to be advertising what is essentially my online diary. It's really the worst of both worlds: too self-indulgent to be of interest to anyone else, and lacking in any juicy personal details they might find enjoyable.
I suppose I could invent a series of debauched escapades, but I'd probably go to far, and describe myself having affairs with Princess Diana. And fathering the children of Princess Diana. And killing Princess Diana. And writing 'Candle in the Wind'. And fathering the children of Elton John. Too far-fetched.
I think my only option is to encourage Google searches.
I could go with something obvious, like: EMMA WATSON NUDE PICS HERE!!! (the exclamation marks are obligatory). Or CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES NIPPLE SLIP !!!OMG. That should bring them in.
But I don't just want to attract one-time visitors (who would in any case be irritated at my deception). I need to attract people who will stick around and read what else I have to say.
Geeks and losers, essentially. Pretentious ones.
PSYLOCKE & SCULLY LESBIAN ROMP AT MST3K REVIVAL - NOAM CHOMSKY WATCHES!!!
Yes, that's something. But it assumes I'm only looking to attract perverts. When, in reality, I don't want only perverts, but some normal people too. Maybe about 50/50. A healthy mix.
What do people search for a lot?
Oxford Discount Dry-Cleaners? Largest land mammal? Big Mac ingredients?
Interestingly, Big Macs are made from the meat of the largest land mammal, and eating them will result in needing to dry-clean your clothes (although, I'm sure very few people dry-clean their pants).
I think, all things considered, this whole enterprise comes off as a bit desperate.
Sorry.
BUSH VS PICARD!
KEVIN SMITH GREEN LANTERN GREENLIT!
VIAGRA! GUNS! VIAGRA GUNS!
Very sorry.
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