Commission it

I'm up too late, fretting.

I'm really tired. There's no reason for me not to go to sleep. But I also feel a bit frantic, worrying about the future. I'm torn between looking for safe, boring, office-type jobs, and searching out for some avenue for a creative role. I should be writing something. I think I'm going to try and write a radio sitcom. I should be doing that now. But I'm writing this.

Maybe I can turn this into a sitcom. Then I don't need to write anything else. The main character can be an insular blogger who bores people. I could have a wacky neighbour who types stuff when I'm not looking. In a different font.

It probably wouldn't work on the radio.

My creativity doesn't really work in a productive way. If it had physical form it would be like a static-electric ball, all flickery. I could do a million things quite well. I can't focus on one. I'm all ideas and no thoughts (or the other way round) and I just end up playing Freecell to calm my fizzing brain.

Maybe I can write some of my radio dialogue here! That might be some inducement...

Greg: Hey, Jeff.

Jeff: Yes, Greg?

Jegg: I'm confused.

Greff: Just like old Gordon Brown.

Jed: BOREdon Brown, more like!

It's political. They'd like that on Radio 4. I could present Have I Got News For You, and we can market t-shirts with pictures of Jeff and Greff and Jegg doing their catchphrases ("I'm confused", "Himmler Says Relax!", "This is so not what I need right now, Dan").

I know! I could make this entry the first episode. It would be all self-reflexive; a kind of meta-comedy (ie. not funny).

Even the last line could be in it!

But now I can't stop. This is a never ending circle. All circles are never ending, except for ones with holes in. Like hoop earrings.

And as I have a final mental breakdown, I'll get swallowed up and realise it was all a dream. This is all a dream.

***Paul's Blog was devised and performed by Paul Fung. The producer was Richard Kettle. Coming up next on Radio 4: David Baddiel examines the life and works of the hammerhead shark***







Paul: *GASP* (Heavy Breathing) Whew. It was all a dream.

Greff: This is so not what I need right now, Dan.

SOUND F/X: A DISTANT SIREN, A CAR SPLASHES PAST IN THE RAIN