Wax

I've got the theme to Rosemary's Baby in my head. Is that a good sign of mental wellbeing?



I'd like to do this song at a karaoke night. I think it would be a real crowd-pleaser. Especially if I turned up dressed as Mia Farrow, and there wasn't even a karaoke night planned. It would just be me, in a dress, playing the song on my ghetto blaster and belting out the "la"s. In a Wetherspoon's. With a baby.

A real crowd pleaser.

But I'll probably never get around to it. 80% of ambitions are never fulfilled. That's a national average. I don't know which nation, but it is definitely the average there.

Which do you think is the most ambitious country? Mauritius rhymes with ambitious (sort of), so that's one indicator. Turkey can be abbreviated as 'TRY' - that's another.

I think the least ambitious country is probably Neptune. It doesn't even have its own flag.


I try to deal with potential failure by micro-managing my ambitions. I have them, but I almost immediately snuff them out. I vow to achieve something and then decide against it before I've even had time to complete the thought. Whilst writing the last sentence, I passionately strove to swim the channel and then tore my wetsuit to ribbons.

During Lent, I fluctuate between action and inaction at such a frequency that I become invisible.

Ambition can be useful. It can make people improve themselves and the world. But it can also cause people to inflict terrible atrocities on others, under the guise of progress.

For me, the main benefit of ambition is that it rhymes with lots of things, and so is of great use in a freestyle rap battle.

Just think about it.

Ambition
Tradition
Mission
Wishin'
Chicken
Kitchen
Bitterne
Fish un (French for 'fish one')
Leon Britton
Mitten

You can arrange those in any order, and you're liable to come away with some kind of commemorative turntable.

In conclusion, remember the lesson of Icarus:

Visit Crete.