This blog post will have the following theme.
Today, the theme of the blog post is the theme of skeletons.
What are they?
Why have they?
Remember that children's book about them, and they had a dog?
Why do they remind us of death? Is it because we only ever see them when their owners are dead? Obviously, yes.
Is there still a skeleton taboo? There certainly seems to be one in this crรจche.
People are furious with me. I should have told the taxi to wait outside the building, just in case.
Have I done any tweets about skeletons?
Let's see.
Preliminary investigation reveals: many.
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#favouriteplaygroundobject Big metal skeleton.
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I just want you all to know that there's a skeleton in your bathroom.
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Our stockings have skeletal legs in them. Santa was in a weird mood last year.
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I only like organs, skin and skeletons when combined in a very specific way.
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Naked skeletons are scary.
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It's funny to think that inside everyone's skeleton there's an infinite number of smaller skeletons, all different colours. So think it.
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WRITING TIP: Structure is like a platinum exoskeleton - it may protect your organs, but you'll struggle to climb through a kitchen window.
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"I'm not saying I don't LIKE my skeleton, it's just... I dunno... he gets under my skin, that's all". My doctor is a good listener.
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I like to stand my apple-cores up, so they retain some semblance of regal, skeletal dignity.
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What a day! Emails have been coming at me like stop-motion skeletons.
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And some bonus "skull" ones. Skull is a subset of skeleton.
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My brain activity has disappeared, leaving a vacuum inside my head. My skull is imploding. At least I'll be able to find a hat that fits.
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The most common form of RSI at the RSC comes from prolonged skull-holding.
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I'm going to go and brush any accessible enamel fixtures that there might be in my skull.
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I'm drilling a hole in my skull to let the angst out. Trepannicking, I think it's called.
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And the late night may be starting to show its hand, as my brain suddenly wants to leave my skull through the eyes and nose.
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I mean, during puberty EVERYONE thinks of skulls when they masturbate, right?
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Captain America's bookish arch-enemy The Well-Read Skull was justifiably modified to appeal to wartime concerns.
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I've really got nothing on my mind. No skull, no hat; NOTHING.
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I don't think having a numb skull would really be much of a issue. I don't often use it for sensitive operations. It mainly houses my brain.
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I own a bobble hat with the bobble on the inside. It's OK - I have a bobble-shaped hole in the top of my skull due to a bobble accident.
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I've got a life-sized skull tattooed on my skull.
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When cycling at night, always make sure your skull is on fire.
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I wouldn't say I've unearthed too many diamonds there.
The bobble one's decent, I suppose.
But they all fit the theme, which - as I'm sure you'll all remember - is the theme of skeletons theme.
To continue the theme, here's an old folk ballad about skeletons. I believe its origins date back to the plague days.
♫Where has my fella gone?
He left me his skeleton
Where has my babbie gone?
To the cold arms of Abbadon
Where has my papa gone?
Sold to buy me a cabochon
Where has sweet Jenny gone?
The United Colors of Benetton ♫
Pretty moving stuff.
That's what James Richardson who presents The European Football Show would say. He often deftly transitions between segments by saying "super stuff".
It's a good technique.
But he doesn't fit into today's theme (skeletons), so I should move on.
Though I suppose he does look a bit like a skeleton...
Skeletons don't have eyebrows, but they can speak Italian. Italian skeletons can, anyway. Depending on how decomposed the voice box is.
The theme of skeletons has proved to be quite the fruitful theme.
Here's a bit of skeleton-themed stand-up I'm working on:
Why is it fibula and tibia? It's confusing, right? I mean, just pick one, yeah? Fibia and tibia is fine! Fibula and tibula is fine! But fibula and tibia? What were they thinking? I bet the bloke who named the bones was kicking himself - extending his fibula to do it!
I bet he named one of them last thing on a Friday, and then first thing Monday he had to do the other one.
Same with the elbow and the knee.
It's confusing, right? I mean, just pick one, yeah? Elbow and knelblow is fine! Lee and knee is fine! But elbow and knee? What were they thinking? I bet someone elbowed the bloke who named the bones in the ribs, which should all also have similar sounding names!
Bones.
[to audience member] I bet you've got bones, mate!
It's easier than it looks.
I could also do a short story on the theme of skeletons, but I won't today because I'm busy.
To recap: today's theme was the skeleton theme theme.
Join me next time, when our theme will be - let's say - mats.
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