In Another World

It would be strange if, instead of taking certain attributes from each parent, we inherited every characteristic from both. So we'd have twice as much hair, some blonde, some brown; four eyes representing both parents' eye colour; four arms (two slender and feminine, two hairy and ropey); four legs.

Of course, as time passed, the human race would have hundreds of legs and arms and eyes, through cumulative evolution. We'd have massive bodies with a multitude of appendages. As more generations would lead to more advantages, it would be in our interest to reproduce as often as possible. Which would be very very often, as everyone would have loads of penises and vaginas, and hundreds of wombs to grow our young.

Of course, soon we would out-grow the world, and resources would run out and we'd die. Also, we'd have loads of brains, which would be a bit cluttered and confusing.

Furthermore, the design of our bodies would be more jumbled, so we'd look a bit like massive flesh pom-poms, rolling about.

God probably got it right.

***

There's nothing more annoying than people my age, complaining about current kids TV. (There are several things more annoying than this, but I like to cling to hyperbole)

"Today's kids' TV is shit!" they say. "There's nothing as good as Thundercats or Mr Benn nowadays!"

Nonce.

Every generation has probably thought that about the kids TV of the age. The reason we don't think kids' TV is any good now, is because:

WE'RE NOT CHILDREN.

When this generation of children grows up, they'll say the same thing about the futuristic kidz tv of the future - all virtual reality and robot dogs.

People who try and deify the programmes of their youth are usually students; ones of so little substance that they need to look back fifteen years to find the last time they were able to bond with their contemporaries.

Having said that, Muppet Babies was a work of genius.

Ha! Aha! I turned it around with the last sentence! Irony! I've never done that before! Ha! Comedy!

I wear a crown of irony (upside down) and sit on a throne of irritating, tortured metaphors!

I AM KING BLOG!