In that time, I have taken the Lord's name in vain on multiple occasions.
I also took the Lord's name in van.
A van, that is.
We drove around town for ages, just the Lord's name and me. We didn't solve any mysteries, but at one point we got drive-through.
I've had licentious thoughts. But, on the other hand, I've had - no lie - sensuous thoughts. So that evens out, right?
I've had micentious thoughts as well. Those are impure thoughts about mice. But, come on, how am I supposed to resist those cute little guys?
A love affair is the real humane mouse trap, am I right?
One of my other major sins is writing a confessional parody that was poorly focussed. It wasn't clear whether I was talking to Blogger or someone with religious authority. Then it devolved into what was essentially just terrible stand-up.
I think that's it.
Oh yeah, I killed forty-one people as well. But that was during my last confession, so I'm not sure if that's already been covered. I'll do an extra few Hail Marys.
Which, if you are indeed Blogger (rather than a priest), will mean nothing to you.
Ugh.
It's Sunday.
A grey, grey day.
I came up with a good word in a dream last night. It was a funny word that is underused in jokes. But I can't remember what it was. I should have written it down.
Never mind.
Here's a gif of Kramer explaining his acting process. It's nicely lit.
I've been watching True Detective lately. It's the latest HBO drama series that everyone is talking about. It's a spiritual successor to White Men Can't Jump, but with Matthew McConaughey in the Wesley Snipes role.
It's five episodes in, and I'm still not totally sure what kind of show it is. And that's a good thing. It's part police procedural, part bleak existential treatise, part Dawson's Creek melodrama, part Odd Couple buddy comedy, part badass intense action epic, and part Lovecraftian supernatural horror.
McConaughey is really good in it. That will come as no surprise to people who have seen his recent work. I have not.
Which McConaughey films have I actually seen?
To the IMDB!
EDtv and Dazed and Confused. That's it. How have I managed to avoid so muchconaughey?
I should probably see all of those recent films he's been in, where he's been intense and thin. Those are the main criteria for being a good actor. The late Philip Seymour Hoffman wasn't so thin, but he was twice as intense to make up for it.
Woody Harrelson is also good. I bet I've seen more of his work. I bet it's because his name is easier to spell.
Anyway, True Detective is a lot of fun. There are only three episodes left of this season. I hope the ending doesn't turn out to be too disappointing. As long as Rosie Perez ends up on Jeopardy!, it will all be fine.
(That's what happens in White Men Can't Jump. I don't know how universal that reference is, so I'm flagging it up. Flag.)
It's getting greyer out there. I'd better go and bring in the laundry from the washing line. I don't want it to get dyed grey. One of the things hanging up is my dolphin costume. If that gets tinged with grey, I'll get laughed out of the aquarium.
I don't really have a dolphin costume. Or a washing line. I've made many questionable choices in my life.
I'm hungry. I'm going to eat the greyest thing we have in the fridge.
Milk.
***
This blog post may have been incomprehensible to readers in the Americas, because they spell grey with an 'a'.
Gray.
If you are having trouble, I would suggest copying this entire post into a Word document and replacing all instances of the letter 'e' with the letter 'a'.
For example:
It's gatting grayar out thara. I'd battar go and bring in tha laundry from tha washing lina. I don't want it to gat dyad gray. Ona of tha things hanging up is my dolphin costuma. If that gats tingad with gray, I'll gat laughad out of tha aquarium.
I don't raally hava a dolphin costuma. Or a washing lina. I'va mada many quastionabla choicas in my lifa.
I'm hungry. I'm going to aat tha grayast thing wa hava in tha fridga.
You see?
If you're from Maine, you're nodding right now, thinking "Ohhhh - now I gat it".
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