Perspective

INT. GYM - DAY

People are milling about in the aerobics room, waiting for the aerobics to start. They are all wearing shorts, leotards, head bands etc. LOU and REESE are limbering up. REESE is doing some advanced moves.

LOU

Where did you learn 

how to stretch?

REESE

Nowhere. 

I'm self-taut!

REESE grins.

LOU

Oh. (BEAT) Oh, I get it. Like 
"taut". Like T-A-U-T taut. 

Because of the stretching.

That's funny.

REESE

Yeah. I suppose it's not that 

obvious when I say it out loud...

THE INSTRUCTOR enters the room, and everyone quiets (quietens?) down. He strides smoothly to the front of the class. He is rock hard all over, even his tongue. His eyes are full of intensity. He never blinks.

THE INSTRUCTOR

(INTENSE) Blood. Sweat. Tears. 

I expect two of the three. 

You can choose which.

LOU raises his hand.

LOU

What about urine?

THE INSTRUCTOR

What about urine?

LOU

That's what I said.

THE INSTRUCTOR

No, I meant, what ABOUT urine? 

What about urine? The emphasis 

should have been on "about". 

It's difficult to indicate. 

Can you do italics in screenwriting? 

Is it presumptuous to tell 

the actor how to deliver a line?

LOU

All of these questions 

aren't consistent with 

your authoritative character.

THE INSTRUCTOR pulls out a gun and points it at LOU.

THE INSTRUCTOR

Is this authoritative 
enough for you?

LOU

Again: a question. 

You shouldn't even be 

engaging with me.

THE INSTRUCTOR softens, blinks, then pulls the trigger. 

REESE reacts with remarkable speed, stretching his leg over to deflect the bullet with his wrist-band (which was on his ankle - a happy accident). It pings off, Wonder Woman-style (though we don't have the rights to mention her by name). 

REESE

I guess all that 

stretching paid off!

THE INSTRUCTOR is outraged, but he's out of bullets. He had meant to stock up before the class, but he didn't. You might want to show this in a flashback/montage/anime sequence.

LOU

It certainly did! 

He's self-taut, 
Mr Instructor. 

Tee-ay-you-tee!

Something happens with the police.

CREDITS

***

I had a danish pastry earlier. You don't need to capitalise that, right? It's like a dutch camera angle, or a french kiss. It's no longer about the nationality. It's a word in its own right.

I've never been a big fan of the danish (pastry), but I don't know why. I like croissants. I like goo. What could be better?

It must have been a prejudice from earlier in my life, that I hung onto for no reason.

It's over now. I've had two this week.

On Monday, I had a massive passion fruit danish that looked like a creamy swastika. Today I had one with orange and lemon in it.

It's changed my life. 

("Shortened your life, more like!" - a wiseguy)

Nothing will ever be the same, because I've tasted two danishes.

I don't really have any strong opinions on them, to be honest. I could take them or leave them. But they've changed my life forever, by having entered it.

Everything that has entered my life has changed it. You can't help but change something if you're inside it. It's like entering Schrödinger's cat box: the box will never recover.

So, even though the danishes were mediocre, I am new. There was pre-danish Paul and post-danish Paul. I am now post-danish. It's like the television series Bewitched. Everyone divides it into two eras: genuine witchcraft and fake witchcraft. And we all have our favourite.

I think I might be too loose with my analogies. I just throw them out there, even if they don't make any sense.

Still, that's the only way to end a blog post.

It's like finding a spider in your telescope: you don't know how it got in there, but at least you no longer have to worry about that blasted meteorite.